2008 NFL Mock Draft

It has always been my general thesis that no one can correctly predict the NFL draft. Its near impossible. There are too many trades, too many dumb GMs, and way too many strange things. NFL teams take into account much more than just talent in the college level. They rely on the combine, they rely on character, on marketing (drafting someone from the local school), and need.

So I am not even going to attempt to offer a guess at what all these teams will do in the first round. Instead, I am going to offer you what they all should do. If the draft were based solely on need and the talent of the college kids, this is what should happen.

1. Miami Jack Long
Well, the drama is gone here. They have already signed Jake Long. Which is a good pick for a team clearly rebuilding. A strong O-Line is the main building block of any team. It will give a young (and probably terrible) quarterback more time, and it will help the running game chew up clock time. Solid pick for Miami.

2 Rams Chris Long
The Rams really needed an O-Lineman here. Their quarterback suffered a lot last year after being sacked more times than Lindsey Lohan (British innuendo, yes!). But you aren't the second pick in the draft and only have one weakness. The Rams suck, so they are gonna take the best player they can to fill some of their many holes. Chris Long it is!

3 Atlanta Glenn Dorsey
So here I get to rant for a bit. Atlanta obviously needs a quarterback, what with theirs sitting in prison. The best QB in this draft is Matt Ryan. But he is not one of the best 3 players in this draft. And this is where teams screw up. Its how good players drop and how bad players get labeled as busts because they have expectations they don't have the skills to exceed. Do you take a guy who is 15-20 talent-wise with the number 3 spot? Or just take the third best guy because he is freaking awesome? Well, since this is my draft, I am taking Dorsey. And he is a beast.

4 Oakland Raiders Darren McFadden
Here is a case where you just got to man up and pick the best guy. Darren McFadden is the best player in this draft, is loaded with talent, and is going to be really good in the NFL. People have been focusing on his character issues and his kids (who didn't have 2 kids from 2 girls coming out of college), but forget what a transcendent college player he was. He threw, ran, and caught touchdowns with ease. It doesn't matter that the Raiders have about a dozen running backs on their roster, McFadden will be better than all of them by the end of camp.

5 Kansas City Ryan Clady
After trading with Minnesota they now own the first day of the draft. 2 first round picks and a ton of second and third rounders. With that many picks, they can, and should, just stash linemen to build toward the future. Why Ryan Clady? I haven't even heard of the dude, but the guy on NFL.com predicted this, so I will go along with him.

6 NY Jets Jeff Laggelman
Ha, just kidding. But seriously, if you have never seen this YouTube, you gotta check it out. Its a montage of all the Jets picks from the about 10 years ago and the crowd reactions. This clip along has made sure I am sitting in front of a TV on Saturday when the Jets pick, just to hear the crowd boo, no matter who they pick. A lot of the local media think the Jets could land McFadden here, which would make me happy. I have also read that they Jets love Matt Ryan here, which see my thoughts in from the Atlanta pick. My reaction would be pretty much like the fans in the YouTube.

7 New England Humility
After riding high all last season starting with the Red Sox championship, the Celtics acquiring one of the best players of all time, and the Patriots going undefeated, a lot of Boston fans and players started to get a bit of an ego. And openly wondered where their place in history belonged. The Giants put them in their place right? Well, remember the week leading up to the playoffs when the Patriots organization tried to copyright the phrase "19-0". You would think they dropped their case, no? Well, they are still going through with trying to get it branded. I think a nice dose of humility is a good value pick for the Patriots here at 7.

8. Baltimore Ravens Matt Ryan
Now here is where a good QB should be taken. Sure its still above his current talent level, but the Ravens desperately need a good QB. Right now they are headed to camp debating on whether Kyle Boeller or Troy Smith is going to lead this team. Matt Ryan already has the East Coast appeal, so I deem this an acceptable place for him to go.

9 Bengals Dr. Joyce Winters, Child Psychologist
This Chad Johnson thing is getting out of hand. First he wants to get traded. Then he loves Cincinnati. The he is photographed holding a customized Redskins jersey with his name on it. Now he refuses to play unless they trade him. Meanwhile, Marvin Lewis is calling his bluff and telling him to go ahead and sit out. Really, this is a lot of work for a player who became well known because of his outlandish dances, his numbers do not add up to elite player. At least TO can back up his insanity.

10 Saints Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie
The Saints need a corner, and most everything I have read about this kid is: "his cousin was a star in the NFL last year who dropped too far in the draft! Don't miss out on these genes!" Also, just to monitor, the Saints may not be picking here, as they have their sights set on Jeremy Shockey. And I think this is a great trade. The Giants didn't really gel until after Shockey was hurt and not playing, and the Saints have his TE coach from his rookie year, when he cared.

11 Buffalo Bills A New Contract
I can't decide if drafting Trent Edwards last year was a good thing for them or bad. On one hand, they now have a QB who was actually pretty serviceable. On the other, they have to pay JP Losman star QB money as he rides the pine.

12 Denver Chris Williams
Remember when Denver could just slap any RB in the game and he would rush for 140 yards and 2 TDs? Well last year, that didn't happen at all. So its time for Shanny to shore up that O-Line again. Chris Williams could help them do that. Plus, as a bonus, he is used to holding the line for Jay Cutler, as they were college teammates.

13 Carolina Some lineman you have never heard of
They are yet another team whose QBs were hurt far too often. Panther fans, you want to make sure David Carr never sees the field next seaon? Pray they draft a lineman here.

14 Chicago Bears 2006
How many people watched this team last year and really wondered how in God's name this team was in the Superbowl a year ago?

15 Detroit Lions A new GM
I managed to sneak a peak at Matt Millans draft cheat sheet. His top 5 are: DeSean Jackson, Limas Sweed, James Hardy, Malcolm Kelly, and Devin Thomas. Are Lions selecting WR jokes old yet?

16 Arizona Cardinals Jonathon Stewart
Edgerrin James's career took a huge nosedive as soon as he left the Colts. At first people blamed the bad O-line. But eventually, people are just gonna see that Edge is getting old. Jonathon Stewart will provide an insane 1-2 combo in the running back position here.

17 Kansas City (From Minnesota)
See pick 5. But since Minnesota now has no first pick, let me take this time to laud the trade they just made. Character issues aside, this is an amazing pick for them. The Vikings haven't had the best track record when it comes to the draft (anyone remember when they just missed their pick for 3 slots a few years ago?). The only time their drafts have paid off, is when players drop way further than they should have and Minnesota had to take them (Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson and Randy Moss). So this year, they trade the chance to take a bust and instead get a guy who lead the league in sacks. A pass rusher was a big hole they had last season, why not fill it with the best? Good work on knowing you suck at this Minnesota.

18 Houston Texans Whoever they want
The Texans got racked over the coals when they picked Mario Williams over Reggie Bush and Vince Young. Now? They have one of the best young defenders in the league while the other two have been sucking royally. I can make a snarky comment, or try and say what they should do, but they have earned the right to do whatever the fuck they want right here.

19 Eagles Gosder Cherilus
Maybe I missed it when BC was running all over Notre Dame this year, but does anyone else have a cooler name? If I was this guy, I would demand both my first and last name to be printed on my jersey. And the Eagles like to draft linemen, so he makes sense here.

20 Tampa Bay Any free agent QB
Remember last year when they had like 5 quarterbacks on their roster? That was funny. Lets recycle that joke.

21 Washington Limas Sweed
The Skins are where wide receivers go to die. They have picked up free agents left and right, pay them a ton of money, and none pan out. Now that their attempt at ruining Chad Johnson has failed, they will look to fill their gap in the draft. Limas, apart from having the name of a children's movie villain, should work.

22 Dallas Cowboys Felix Jones
Without Julius Jones, I don't think Dallas feels that Barber can carry the ball all the time. Even in college he shared the role with Maroney. Felix Jones has the potential to be an amazing star. But in college he split carries with McFadden. Well, I think its pretty obvious here. Both backs are like former Siamese twins looking for someone to complete themselves. And I think this is a fit!

23 Pittsburgh Steelers Nate McLouth
The dude has been tearing it up for the Pirates this year. His 19 game hitting streak just ended. Since he is already being worshiped in Pittsburgh right now, I don't think any fan will object to this pick.

24 Tennessee A new hairstyle for Jeff Fischer
This guy has been rocking the semi-mullet and mustache combination for a while now. I think its time to switch it up to a hairstyle that has been out of style for only 5 years now. Like a goatee.

25 Seattle Shaun Alexander
We just cut who? The guy who was MVP 2 years ago? Well at least we have a good back up. Who? Matt Morris? And we traded for Julius Jones? Aw Christ.

Just kidding. Alexander is a shell of his former self.

26 Jacksonville ????
I honestly don't know much about them at all. I know they were pretty good last year and were probably the 2nd best team in the league behind the Patriots. That said, I have no idea who they should draft. Probably a WR.

27 San Diego Chargers Chad Henne
Its looking more and more like Rivers will be a serviceable QB, but not a great one. Why not pull the trigger and hope Henne is such? I do think that its a bit of a reach and goes against everything I said about Matt Ryan earlier, but its pick 27, I am running out of people I know, and I doubt anyone is reading anymore anyways.

28 Dallas A Good Attorney
After trading for PacMan Jones (Pac-Man? Pacman? Pac Man?), they are going to need a good lawyer around at all times. This guy has some serious skills. He also manages to be around a lot of people shooting guns. That and they whole making it rain thing.

29 San Francisco Pity
It really does suck for them to have their first pick at 29. No one on their team is as good as people thought. A solid pick of some nationwide pity should make them feel better for a bit.

30 Green Bay Packers Jesus
With Brett Farve gone, Wisconsinites are going to need someone else to worship on Sundays. Its about time they found Jesus. The one who doesn't star in Wranger's ads.

31 New England (Void)
How hilarious would it be if ESPN and the commissioner just made the Patriots take the full 10 minutes while everyone just sat around, discussing things. Maybe a few shots of their war room.

32 New York Giants whichever corner or safety is left
With the final pick in the first round, look for the Giants to draft for the secondary. I felt this was a main weakness last year.

The Sports Watercooler

Its the raw power of the NFL where it can dominate ESPN news coverage 3 and a half months before the season starts. I know that the draft is coming up this weekend and is always a conversation starter, but this goes beyond just draft coverage.

News abounds in across the sporting world, as the NFL has trumped baseball as the season is starting to find its grove, the NBA as the best playoffs in the last ten years are underway, and the NHL playoffs as they enter the second round.

We have news about Pac-Man Jones getting traded. We have Shaun Alexander being cut. We have Matt Walsh agreeing to meet with the NFL on May 13. We have Miami signing their number one pick already and actively shopping Taylor around now (you mean you worry that your franchise player may not be committed to the team because he spends the offseason dancing on national TV? Shocking!)

On that note, stay tuned this afternoon for Bikes in Trees first ever Mock Draft.

The Sports Watercooler

Its pretty much common knowledge that the NFL is the sports that rules all sports. They make the most money, they have the most fans, they get the best ratings.

And so, in recent years, they have tried to push it further. Afterall, their season is only like 4 months long, whereas the NBA actually starts their season a week after the finals are over. Or maybe it just seems that way. (Sidenote: stay tuned, this afternoon we have a great NBA Playoffs preview. And just in case you weren't so pumped about the NHL Playoff preview I did, the NBA one is written by someone who actually knows the sport!).

So the NFL decides to really amp up the publicity of their out of season events. The Combine is being covered like never before. The draft has become insanely huge, even though it is, for the most part, utterly unwatchable. They broadcast the preseason games, ESPN shows footage of training camps, and SI sends reporters to give reports from every minicamp available.

And to be honest with you, I love most of that stuff. The Combine creeps me out a bit (its sort of like a pedophile checking out a grade school yearbook for potential. A bunch of media-types watching young men in their underwear, measuring every aspect of their bodies, and watching them do strange exercises), but the draft is real fun to follow.

Yesterday though, I think a line was crossed. To much fanfare, they announced the NFL schedule. It dominated the front page of ESPN, Deadspin, and SI. It was the talk of Sportscenter and Mike and Mike this morning. And you just couldn't get away from it.

What really is the point? Although its nice to be able to plan a weekend around specific game, and know when your favorite team will be in your hometown, thats the extent of the importance of the day.

People are making a big deal about the Steelers getting the "hardest" schedule, and the Patriots getting the "easiest" schedule. But those numbers are based on last seasons records. Patriot fans are already up in arms over their back to back West Coast road trip weeks, but what if LT tears his ACL in a collision with Shawn Merrian who breaks his femur in a training camp incident? Then that game is a cake walk. What if people chalking up an easy week on the schedule during the Miami week suddenly turns hard when the Tuna drafts every sleeper out of college and has the top 5 rookies in the league?

My main point: don't press this on me. I don't care what the schedule is, especially not in April. Sure you can try and guess how your team will fare, but you are going to be wrong. Its impossible to guess and there is no reason why this should have dominated the sports news from last night.

Instead maybe we can talk about the Twins blowing a lead 2 games in a row in the 8th inning by giving up a combined 9 points to the hapless Tigers.

*bangs head on desk