Who Ya Got?

So there have been two athlete/sex scandals that have been making their way through the presses this week. One features former greatest pitcher ever, current greatest douche ever Roger Clemens. The other features former greatest soccer player at the time, current "Oh yeah, I remember that guy!" Ronaldo.

Just a quick recap:
The New York Daily News has been on a Clemens warpath this week. They have not only discovered that he had a 20 year affair with a 15 year old country music singer (the sex only happened once she was in her twenties. Cough *bullshit* cough), but now it has came out that he was sleeping with John Daly's ex-wife, a bartender at Sutton Place (now a realtor) , plus a bevy of others that he "fly across the country on his private plane".

Ronaldo meanwhile found himself in somewhat if a sex scandal as he tried to pick up 3 hookers in his home country of Brazil. Now, it is legal to do this in Brazil. But Ronaldo's Risky Business quickly turned into The Crying Game is he soon found out he had picked up 3 males dressed as females. He tried to pay them to keep quiet about his mistake, but one of the she/he prostitutes demanded more money and Ronaldo balked. So she went to the presses.

Let's break this down.

Embarrassment factor:
Clemens had backed much of his Congressional Hearing testimony on the fact that he was a family man, which has been blown to pieces by this. Ronaldo, on the other hand, accidentally paid to have sex with dudes. I expect many taunts could come of this.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Story Popularity:
While the New York Daily News continues to find more and more women who had previous relations with Clemens, people died on this story real quick. Ronaldo's story was the #1 most e-mailed story on the BBC web page the day it came out.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Squeamish Factor:
While Ronaldo's story may serve has a fable for picking up hookers, the end was more teen comedy than anything, since nothing happened except for some minor extortion. Clemens meanwhile was having sex with a bevy of 80s chicks. And no one wants to really picture that. Yuck. Plus, hooking up with a chick that had previously been with John Daly? Clemens you have no shame. Although you may have an STD. And lung cancer.
Advantage: Clemens

Women Involved:
This gets tricky since one of the contendors technically had no women involved in his scandal. But here is a picture of one of the hooker trannies. Clemens meanwhile was one of the best pitchers ever in his prime at the time of his sexual romps. Yet the women he was hooking up with were hideous. Here is a picture of two of them here. And John Daly's ex is no prize winner either. Something tells me that Roger may have fallen for the same trick Ronaldo did. Still, Ronaldo picked up 3 dudes so...
Advantage: Clemens (barely)

As we see, there is no way to decide which one is better. On paper, it looks like Ronaldo wins by a nose (or adam's apple). Either way, both stories are really, very strange and slightly scary.

Late Edit: We have a new candidate in the mix as well! Barbara Walters has just admitted to having an affair with a former US Senator in the 70s that lasted a few years! And the Senator was African American. But you could have assumed that looking at Barbara. Is it as embarrassing as Ronaldo? No. Is it as gross as picturing Roger in your head? God yes.

Your Cheatin' Heart

Raise your hand if this Clemens having an affair with a 15 year old country music star frightens you. It sounds like a plot line out of a bad television show.

But really, is this even a story? Sorry for all this participation, but raise your hand if you are still surprised to read about affairs with professional athletes. When A-Rod was caught with that stripper friend last year, the media flipped out and most sports fans yawned, saw she wasn't even attractive, maybe made a quick joke, and was ready to move on.

And here again, its the perfect media cares more than us storm. It involves Clemens (yawn) and a professional athlete's love life (yawn).

People like to hear about athletes lives, they like stories like Reggie Willits, utility player for the Angels who actually lives in a batting cage. And stories like Roy Oswalt getting a Bulldozer from the owner when he won the Cy Young because he always wanted one. Fun, quirky stories are good. Hard struggle stories are good (see Hamilton, Josh). But stories we all already assume to be true, its worth a glance and its time to move on.

Clemens added some shock value with the age and profession of his mistress. But really, did anyone read any of those articles with the same attentiveness you read about a truely compelling story? One where you read the initial article, then google it to find out if there is commentary online? No.

And what's sad is, the media sees Scandal and Big Name and just assumes that we will really care about this. We care about last night's game. The scores. Who hit the big hits, who pitched lights out, and when Jorge will be back. Not retired pitchers stepping out on their wives 20 years ago.