Who Ya Got?

So there have been two athlete/sex scandals that have been making their way through the presses this week. One features former greatest pitcher ever, current greatest douche ever Roger Clemens. The other features former greatest soccer player at the time, current "Oh yeah, I remember that guy!" Ronaldo.

Just a quick recap:
The New York Daily News has been on a Clemens warpath this week. They have not only discovered that he had a 20 year affair with a 15 year old country music singer (the sex only happened once she was in her twenties. Cough *bullshit* cough), but now it has came out that he was sleeping with John Daly's ex-wife, a bartender at Sutton Place (now a realtor) , plus a bevy of others that he "fly across the country on his private plane".

Ronaldo meanwhile found himself in somewhat if a sex scandal as he tried to pick up 3 hookers in his home country of Brazil. Now, it is legal to do this in Brazil. But Ronaldo's Risky Business quickly turned into The Crying Game is he soon found out he had picked up 3 males dressed as females. He tried to pay them to keep quiet about his mistake, but one of the she/he prostitutes demanded more money and Ronaldo balked. So she went to the presses.

Let's break this down.

Embarrassment factor:
Clemens had backed much of his Congressional Hearing testimony on the fact that he was a family man, which has been blown to pieces by this. Ronaldo, on the other hand, accidentally paid to have sex with dudes. I expect many taunts could come of this.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Story Popularity:
While the New York Daily News continues to find more and more women who had previous relations with Clemens, people died on this story real quick. Ronaldo's story was the #1 most e-mailed story on the BBC web page the day it came out.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Squeamish Factor:
While Ronaldo's story may serve has a fable for picking up hookers, the end was more teen comedy than anything, since nothing happened except for some minor extortion. Clemens meanwhile was having sex with a bevy of 80s chicks. And no one wants to really picture that. Yuck. Plus, hooking up with a chick that had previously been with John Daly? Clemens you have no shame. Although you may have an STD. And lung cancer.
Advantage: Clemens

Women Involved:
This gets tricky since one of the contendors technically had no women involved in his scandal. But here is a picture of one of the hooker trannies. Clemens meanwhile was one of the best pitchers ever in his prime at the time of his sexual romps. Yet the women he was hooking up with were hideous. Here is a picture of two of them here. And John Daly's ex is no prize winner either. Something tells me that Roger may have fallen for the same trick Ronaldo did. Still, Ronaldo picked up 3 dudes so...
Advantage: Clemens (barely)

As we see, there is no way to decide which one is better. On paper, it looks like Ronaldo wins by a nose (or adam's apple). Either way, both stories are really, very strange and slightly scary.

Late Edit: We have a new candidate in the mix as well! Barbara Walters has just admitted to having an affair with a former US Senator in the 70s that lasted a few years! And the Senator was African American. But you could have assumed that looking at Barbara. Is it as embarrassing as Ronaldo? No. Is it as gross as picturing Roger in your head? God yes.

Sports Watercooler

An uninspiring rundown of last night's sporting news:

Boston showed the Hawks who was the favorite by beating them by 25. The game really was over about a minute into the game with KG's roof blowing dunk. I could tell right from the start that there was no way he would let them lose that game. The series now heads to Atlanta where Boston has yet to win.

In a much more exciting game (and a series I neglected to mention yesterday), Washing staved off elimination. Facing a win or go home game IN Cleveland, and down 5 with less than 2 minutes to go, Washington still won, as LeBron missed a lay up with under 3 seconds to play. Exciting right down to the end. It should be noted that Washington also did this with Arenas sitting out, as he is done for the year.

Moving sports, the Stars couldn't close the door on the sweep against the Sharks. And the Flyers moved up a game on the Candians. Both series are now 3 games to 1.

There are some other things that happened. The Yankees DL is now better than their actual team as Phil Hughes joins Jorge and A-Rod. Maybe this explains why Hughes has blown this year? The Mavs fired Avery Johnson, and there are conflicting reports on whether the Suns have/are firing Mike D'Antoni. The BCS rejected the "Plus 1" plan.

And this is a few days late, but it should be known that yes, I am incredibly pumped that Ben Hansbrough is transferring to Our Lady's University. Sure he isn't as talented as his brother, but is can be the 6'4" 3-point shooter/slasher the Irish really needed to replace Colin Falls and Kurz. And we know he can rise to the occasion, as he scored 19 against Memphis in the NCAA tournament. Welcome to the Irish Ben! You got any more brothers?

Voting Season!

Its an election year and everyone has a various method on trying to win your vote. As Hillary and Obama battle it out in various states no one cares about (love you Indiana!), there is a senate race in Oregon that demands our attention.

Politics is a strange debate. We get caught up over trying to vote for someone who is like us, because somehow we view "like us" as "represents us best", which is really different. I won't pontificate for too long, but its the reason we have had the same president for the past 8 years. Because he was way more like us than a snooty Kerry. We could have a beer with Bush!

People are slowly realize that people can be, and in fact should be, smarter than us. We don't need people like us in Washington, we need people who can lead us.

And yet, against everything I have just said, I have found my man for Oregon's senatorial spot. Steve Novick. Steve is running on the platform that he isn't your typical politician. And he is not. He is 4'9". He isn't an orangish-color with slicked back hair. Oh, and he has a metal hook. That he uses at bars!

Check out this political ad:




He manages to work in the aspect that I WOULD want to sit around and have a beer with him, with the fact that he is half cyborg! You knew this day would come! He also has this brilliant ad:



You feeling that? Its a candidate you can really love. Deep down you don't love any other candidate. You like Hillary because you are a female. You like Barack because you don't want other people to know you harbor racist thoughts. You like McCain because you like ruling the world on shear terror. But you like Steve Novick because he is short and has a hook. And apparently quite humorous.

Is it too early for me to buy www.stevenovickforpresident2012.com yet?

Source: The Big Lead

Spotted!

I think seeing a celebrity in real life is always sort of funny. A solid handful obviously live around New York. Most have to appear outside at some point. But I think seeing them when you are not looking for them is hard to do. When you are watching a movie, every character triggers a "where have I seen him before?" response. But walking down the street, you don't examine each face trying to think where you have seen them before.

Really, you only spot celebrities if they are doing something strange. At least that has been my case. Take this morning, for example. I am walking to work and see this dude riding a scooter while walking his dog, which seems like a mix between a really lazing thing to do, and really relaxing (since he wasn't going to fast, for the sake of the dog). Once that spectacle caught my eye, I realized the guy on the scooter was John Liguizamo.

Just taking his dog on a walk. Via scooter.

Strangely, it was the same location I have seen Ethan Hawke on a few occasions. Maybe they are roommates.

Sports Watercooler

Basketball is a strange sport in this regard. There probably isn't a sport that more people play, more people watch at the college level and totally disregard the professional level. The NBA playoffs are amazing right now. These first round games have been wild. Remember when everyone thought that the Celtics would plow through the Hawks? Well that series is tied 2-2. And when people thought that the Suns and the Spurs would be a battle to the end? After an amazing Game 1, the Spurs buzzed through the Suns so fast that the Suns coach is now out of a job (D'Antoni's stint on the unemployment line will last what? a month?).

So even though I have much less knowledge about the NBA than Dr. J, I am far less busy, so lets get caught up to speed together.

Advancing to the second round: Welcome to the New Orleans Hornets, the San Antonio Spurs, the Orlando Magic, and the Las Angeles Lakers. While the Lakers beat Denver in a sweep (and thus starting 4 months of "Who Wants to Trade for Carmello?" sweepstakes), all the other series mentioned were over in 5 games.

Hanging around: This would be the Philadelphia 76ers and the Houston Rockets, who are both on the brink of elimination 3 games to 2. The 76ers started out with a major upset win but then lost their mojo as Detroit didn't panic and played their game. Houston started out by losing both home games but then took 2 in Utah.

What the hell? As previously mentioned, the Atlanta Hawks (aka former punchline of the NBA) are tied in their series with Boston. And while I don't expect them to win another game this series, you have to be enjoying the ride. Atlanta won on sheer emotion Monday night, as Joe Johnson had 20 points in the 4th quarter. How can you not be cheering for the loveable losers to take down Goliath? And the single worst thing you can give an underdog opponent: confidence. They now have the swagger and they think they can actually win this thing.

Your Cheatin' Heart

Raise your hand if this Clemens having an affair with a 15 year old country music star frightens you. It sounds like a plot line out of a bad television show.

But really, is this even a story? Sorry for all this participation, but raise your hand if you are still surprised to read about affairs with professional athletes. When A-Rod was caught with that stripper friend last year, the media flipped out and most sports fans yawned, saw she wasn't even attractive, maybe made a quick joke, and was ready to move on.

And here again, its the perfect media cares more than us storm. It involves Clemens (yawn) and a professional athlete's love life (yawn).

People like to hear about athletes lives, they like stories like Reggie Willits, utility player for the Angels who actually lives in a batting cage. And stories like Roy Oswalt getting a Bulldozer from the owner when he won the Cy Young because he always wanted one. Fun, quirky stories are good. Hard struggle stories are good (see Hamilton, Josh). But stories we all already assume to be true, its worth a glance and its time to move on.

Clemens added some shock value with the age and profession of his mistress. But really, did anyone read any of those articles with the same attentiveness you read about a truely compelling story? One where you read the initial article, then google it to find out if there is commentary online? No.

And what's sad is, the media sees Scandal and Big Name and just assumes that we will really care about this. We care about last night's game. The scores. Who hit the big hits, who pitched lights out, and when Jorge will be back. Not retired pitchers stepping out on their wives 20 years ago.

The Sports Watercooler

Now that the NFL draft is over, what are the emotions? How do you feel about what your team did this weekend? Are you excited for a new era of Quarterbacking Atlanta, Baltimore, Miami, Green Bay, and Minnesota? Are you excited not really for next year, but for the future Kansas City? Are you excited just to watch someone with insane talent St. Louis and Oakland?

And how many people have read "report cards" about how your team did? Post draft analysis and report cards are one of the most fun and one of the most pointless parts of the draft. There is no way you can predict how the draft can pan itself out until 3 years down the road. Yet, it still helps to put some sort of grade on how your team did.

Mainly though, fans will only feel elated. Unless your team took Ted Ginn 3 rounds before he should have gone, the day after the draft is full of hope and excitement. Your first round pick was a beast in college. Imagine what he can do when he has some real teammates around him.

So today is a day of never ending possibilities. Your rivals all drafted like crap, you can't believe at least 2 of your picks fell to your team, and your 5th round pick is a sleeper. Mel Kiper will see eventually that they deserved higher than a B-.