By Milhous Jones
If last night’s Academy Awards ceremony reminded me about one thing, it’s that the Pentagon may have just found its solution to eliminating the terrorists: Anton Chigurh and his air compression cattle gun. Somebody get that guy a draft notice and a buzz cut.
If the Awards reminded me of two things, though, it’s that America is under attack from illegal immigration. For only the second time in Oscar history, all four acting awards went to non-Americans. With victories going to Marion Cotillard (France), Tilda Swinton (England), Daniel Day-Lewis (England), and Javier Bardem (Canary Islands—yes, even the Canaries have figured out a way into our country), American actors were shut out of the awards show that they worked for the past 80 years to build with their own brawn and steel.
If anyone needs proof that American jobs are being stolen, look no further than Hollywood. While Will Smith—an American hero who has thrice saved our great nation from aliens and once from George Foreman—takes home a mere $20 million per movie, Daniel Day-Lewis reportedly did There Will Be Blood for 18 pence and a cup of Earl Grey tea. And Javier Bardem’s salary for No Country for Old Men? A $20 gift card to Supercuts and a promise that Tommy Lee Jones would be his “best friendo.” What honest American worker can compete with that?
It’s time to take back Hollywood for the American people. If I wanted to hear non-Americans acting like they’re someone else, I’d hang out with the border patrol in Tijuana. When I watch an American movie, I want to see American people speaking American English in an American accent. I don’t care if the damn thing is set in 1912 Botswana. That’s why God invented suspension of disbelief.
Of course, at a perfect Oscars in a perfect world, all four acting awards would go to men—the way things were in the glory days of film when that great American playwright, William Shakespeare, commanded Hollywood. Who can forget David Garrick’s unforgettable Best Actress performance as the lovely Lady Macbeth? Today, the women’s movement has pushed back so far that roles that would have once gone to the great male actors of their generation—such as the part of Bob Dylan in the film I’m Not There—are now going to inferior female actors like that double whammy Brit, Cate Blanchett.
Yes, Bob. You were right. The times they are a changin’. And I don’t like it one bit.
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