Blog Update

As you can tell, and had realized if you had been reading for the past month, it gets hard for me to come up with something new to write about twice a day. I could just recap what happened in the world of sports the night before, but that is nothing a trip to espn.com or si.com can't cover. So I think the blog is changing once more. I hope to move into more of a pop culture arena (which still covers sports), and personally will be cutting my posts down. There may be days when I have multiple posts, and days when I have zero posts. What it boils down to is I am going to post whenever I have a rant or a thought that I can think I can turn into a 100-500 word piece. And I don't want this to be my personal mouthpiece. I would really appreciate it if others really got in here and wrote some pieces, like back in the day.

So in the spirit of only posting with I feel inspired, I give you the following--our new answer to the terrorists. 50 Cent.

Behold, the most ridiculous amazing video game ever made.




Thats right, 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is coming soon to a video console near you. Plus, its a co-op game where while the first player is Mr. Fiddy himself, second player can be a choice of other G-Unit members like Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks. As for the game plot, I am just gonna copy and paste this straight from Wikipedia.

G-Unit are putting on a show somewhere in the middle east. The crowd are pleased, but the promoter refuses to pay 50 Cent and G-Unit. The promoter does not give them money, but a very valuable diamond encrusted skull. G-Unit are about to leave the country when they are ambushed and the skull is taken away from them. The game then continues with the group trying to get what's rightfully theirs and finding out who ambushed them and why in order to get revenge. Much of the game is spent following 50 Cent when he is without the skull.

And you thought the new GTA was cool.

The Sports Watercooler

I am going to try and give out Monthly awards as the baseball season goes on. I haven't decided if it will be a "Player of the Month" type award or more of a "If the season ended now, this is who would win stuff". Luckily for April, it doesn't matter.

And since its May 6, all stats and awards are through last night's games.

Without further ado, the American League:

The current division leaders are:
East: Boston
Central: Minnesota
West: Los Angeles

MVP: Manny Ramerez. That crazy dude has started the season on a tear. He is batting .315 with 6 HRs and 23 RBIs. He has cooled a bit recently, but he is still currently tops in the AL.

Cy Young: Amazing race here. With respect to Ervin Santana's 4-hit complete game last night, the award goes to Cliff Lee, who happens to have a 5-0 record and a .96 ERA.

Rookie of the Year: Clay Buchholz. The Sox young pitcher has started off pretty good, amassing a 2-2 record, but supplants that with 33 Ks and a 3.17 ERA.

Come Out of Nowhere Award: Carlos Quentin. He was formerly known as a Diamondbacks prospect last year, but no one expected this for him. An AL leading 8 HRs in the first month of the season in Chicago, including 22 RBIs.

National League

The current division leaders are:
East: Philadelphia
Central: St. Louis
West: Arizona

MVP: Chase Utley. A league leading 13 HRs, is accompanied by 26 HRs and a gaudy .362 average.

Cy Young: No surprise, Brandon Webb has already shown he hasn't lost a step since winning 2 years ago. He has won every game he has started, posting a 7-0 record with a 2.49 ERA.

Rookie of the Year: Giovanni Soto. The Cub's catcher is hitting .352 with 24 RBIs and 6 HRs.

Came Out of Nowhere Award: Nate McLouth. Its no secret I have a man crush on Nate. Luckily, with his stats, I am not alone. .323 average, 25 RBIs, 7 HRs and 3 stolen bases. Swoon with me.

The Sports Watercooler

What a busy sports oriented weekend. Everything seemed like a milestone in the world of sports this weekend.

Which Derby horse will people remember a year from today? Big Brown who almost looked like he could have started lapping some of the trailing horses had the Derby continued for another turn? Or will it be Eight Belles who finished second, broke 2 ankles and was immediately put to sleep?

I think they way NBC covered it really hit America's conscious too. While Barbaro got hurt mid-race, American was forced to endure thousands of updates as he "bravely" struggled for life over the next month. With Eight Belles, NBC cut to the official horse doctor and without tip toeing around the bush said matter-of-factly "Eight Belles suffered two fractured ankles upon finishing the race and was immediately euthanized". It all happened so fast, there was no room for emotion, just straight facts. NBC didn't know whether to focus on the horse being draped with roses, or the corpse of the second fastest horse being removed from the track.

Hopefully one of our 2 writers who were live in attendance will have an eye witness account on the whole day.

There were some other second place finishes this weekend that are noteworthy. First and foremost, the Atlanta Hawks. Analysists almost anonymously predicted they would be swept and should just be happy to make the playoffs at all (surely no one at THIS blog said such things). Atlanta showed that they not only were happy to make the playoffs, they belonged in the playoffs, and were the only first round team to play in a Game 7. They never lost a game at home and have positioned themselves as the "young team to look out for in the future", which is indeed bright in Atlanta.

In the NHL playoffs, 2 more teams saw their season end yesterday, both in a dramatic fashion. It really didn't get much better than the Rangers and Penguins game yesterday. I watched the final two-thirds of this game and was thoroughly entertained. Two quick power play goals in the 2nd by the Penguins were responded to with 2 quick goals by the Rangers to open the third. That set the pace for a high pressure very intense 3rd period and overtime, before the Penguins won and advanced to what is now an All Pennsylvania Eastern Conference final, playing the Flyers.

Dallas needed to work a bit harder to end San Jose's season. In fact, it took them a whole extra game to do such, as they scored the winning goal in the 4th overtime to win 2-1. They move on to face Detroit in the Western Conference finals.

And this brings us to a new Bandwagon Team of the Week: The New Orleans Hornets. This team is fun to watch and playing possessed. And if that is not enough, for those of you who didn't listen to Bill Simmon's podcast last week, I give you this story:

After already having committed to Wake Forest, a young high school point guard's grandfather died. He was incredibly close to his grandfather and decided to honor him by scoring 1 point for each of year of his life at the age of death, which was 60. As it happened, he was fouled while scoring the 60th point, so at the free throw line, he received the ball from the ref, took a dribble and passed it back. He then was substituted out of the game and was near tears as he walked off the court. That young high school senior was Chris Paul. A man who in high school took AP Psychology classes to better understand his teammates. Now he is one of the most likeable players in the NBA and is finishing in the top 3 of the MVP award this year. The Hornets have already taken Game 1 from San Antonio and will need all the fan support they can muster to oust the defending champions. So hop on this bandwagon before it fills up!

The Get Pumped for the Weekend Video

Classic The Who. They start playing at the 2 minute mark. Rock out, enjoy your weekend.

Sweet Kentucky Home

Saturday is one of the greatest sporting traditions Americana has to offer--the Kentucky Derby. On one hand, you have all the pageantry and tradition. The big hats, the signing of the state song, the elegant and massive horses, and the iconic track. On the other hand, you have the 150,000 people drinking for 7 hours, the gambling, and the sweet, delicious mint juleps being drank at an unhealthy rate. But tying everything together is the most exciting 2 minutes in sports.

I am always a sucker for things steeped in tradition. The Derby appealed to be even before I had gone there. That and I am a huge fan of all the fringe sports and competitions. The Hot Dog eating contest, the Great Outdoor Games, Bull Riding, and American Gladiators. The Derby manages to hit both of these categories and I will always have a fond memory of it.

But do not take my fondness of it as knowledge. I am going to give a quick rundown of the horses and their respective odds, but that does not make me an expert. If in fact you do make money off my suggestions though, you owe me 10%.

Here they are by post position:

1 Cool Coal Man
One of the cooler names in the race (no pun intended), he is trained by famed trainer Nick Zito. How do I know he is famed? Because I have heard of him. Apparently the first gate isn't ideal though. 20-1 odds.

2 Tale of Ekati
Not sure how I feel about the name. It sounds too much like it could be the subtitle of Final Fantasy 23. Apparently he is really named after a Diamond Mine. He struggled in a shorter race, so there is concern about his endurance. 15-1 odds.

3 Anak Nakal
Strange name, and it seems he is not such a good racer. He has lost his last 3 races by a combined 30 lengths. The silver lining is that his last win happened to be at Churchill Downs 5 months ago. 30-1 odds.

4 Court Vision
The owner also owns two AAU basketball teams and treats them as if they were NBA teams, hence the horse's name. He is becoming a trendy pick, but probably just because the sports articles I am reading now just like the name. 20-1 odds.

5 Eight Belles
The only female in the race! She must run faster since she doesn't have to deal with that huge horse...well you know, between her legs. Actually, its been 20 years since a filly won the Derby. 20-1 odds.

6 Z Fortune
You know those douchie kids with pretentious sounding names? That is this horse. The Z stands for the owner's last name Zayat. If this horse could run with a popped collar, it would. 15-1 odds.

7 Big Truck
The loveable loser of the race! First off, I like the name, although it makes him sound less like he should be competing in a race, and more in a "World's Strongest Horse" competition. (I would watch that). 50-1 odds.

8 Visionaire
He has what expert call the best pole position, so that must count for something. Plus he has Barbaro's old trainer which could be a blessing or a curse. 20-1 odds.

9 Pyro
He was the favorite to win for a while until his last race where he failed to move out of the gate at all and lost by...well the whole track. Still, this is my pick to win. You heard it here first. It has everything I look for--an awesome name, good position, and a proven track record. 6-1 odds.

10 Colonel John
He has the proven track record, in 6 races he has 4 first place finishes and 2 second place finishes, and he has the cool name (who doesn't love The Colonel!). To top it all off, he is SI's predicted winner. 4-1 Odds.

11 Z Humor
The other "Z" horse in the race. If the owner wanted to add a Z in there, why didn't he make up some fun names like "Z Plane! Z Plane!" or "lay Z boy". 30-1 odds.

12 Smooth Air
Smooth Air is 70 year old trainer Bennie Stutts first Derby horse. NBC is licking its lips in anticipation for a Smooth Air victory. 20-1 odds.

13 Bob Black Jack
I like this name a lot too. He is definitely a character in a cool Guy Richie movie. And apparently he is a great sprinter which doesn't bode too well for his Derby chances, but if it goes down to the wire, he can turn on the jets. 20-1o odds.

14 Monba
His owner Todd Pletcher is the Dan Marino of the Derby, winless in 19 tries. Last year he even had 5 horses, all for naught. Monba has people in the know buzzing that this might be it. 15-1 odds.

15 Adriano
His jockey is Edgar Pardo, one of the most famous jockeys in the business. So that has to stand for something. 30-1 odds.

16 Denis of Cork
Sentimental favorite around these parts, as his owner is William Warren, famous Notre Dame alumni. Also, the golf course is named after him. 20-1 odds.

17 Cowboy Cal
The Bandwagon of the Week! You gotta be pulling for this guy. He got a bad poll draw, he is somewhat of a longshot, and his owner also owns the Houston Texans. Go Cal! 20-1 odds.

18 Recapturetheglory
I am pretty sure I dislike this name. Too literal and, frankly, it comes off as a bit desperate. 20-1 odds.

19 Gayego
Everyone done giggling at the name? Good. No horse has ever won from the 19 slot before. But also, this is the first horse this trainer has ever entered. Somehow, that should connect, right? 15-1 odds.

20 Big Brown
The favorite. And the UPS commercials would write themselves if he ended up winning. Plus, his name reminds me of Big from Rob and Big. 3-1 odds.

Bet accordingly, drink accordingly, and save me a mint julep and a big flowery hat.

Sports Watercooler

A lot to discuss today. No intro, I am just jumping right into it.

As Big Grizz would be happy to point out, last night Detroit was the capitol of the sporting world (also, still the capitol of gang violence and white rappers, but that is neither here nor there).

The Red Wings advanced to the third round of the playoffs. And while they got into some trouble in the first round, letting Nashville hang around, they swept the Colorado Avs. Not only that, but the Avs saw the writing on the wall and essentially gave up last night, losing 8-2.

Elsewhere in the NHL, with their teammate Sean Avery still in the ICU, the Rangers avoided the sweep after an amazing game by Jagr. They won 3-0.

Living in Detroit and not a hockey fan? Don't worry, you can still celebrate the Pistons defeating the Sixers and advancing to the second round of the NBA playoffs, where they will play Orlando.

And if life still wasn't all peachy-keen in Detroit, the Tigers completed their first three game sweep in Yankee Stadium since 1966. Remember when people were writing off the Tigers about 2 weeks ago? "No team has ever started 0-7 and made the playoffs, blah blah blah". Here is why you don't analyze baseball after 1 month too much: the Tigers are 1.5 back from the AL Central lead.

In other non-Detroit news, this Chris Lofton story is crazy. If you forgot, Lofton was the super-stud from University of Tennessee's basketball program that lead them to a number 1 ranking this year (briefly) and an overall amazing basketball season. Well it came out this morning that Lofton had cancer this year! It was discovered last year after the NCAA tournament (maybe one of the reasons he didn't go pro?). And he battled back and has now recovered from testicular cancer. And had a great season, which is made even more remarkable considering this.

I will have a separate Kentucky Derby post this afternoon, so stay tuned for that! I know you will.

Also in non-sports news, I was watching The Daily Show last night. And after the 2-8 drunks I had during The Office and 30 Rock, I may not have been in the proper state of mind, but did anyone recognize Howard Dean at all? It amazes me that someone that awkward even thought they could run for president. And now he is like anorexic or something. I let out an audible gasp when the had the banner at the bottom that said it was Howard Dean.

Oh Crap

I am sure this is making its way around the Internet right now. And I am sure by the time I get home, PTI will mention it, as will Around the Horn.

Basically, last night Charlie Weis said to a group of alumni:

"I could get thugs and hoodlums and win tomorrow. I won't do it that way."

Although all of us know EXACTLY what he was trying to say, you know the media won't play it that way. Its going to conjure all of those "Notre Dame is Racist" articles from the ESPN vault. Jason Whitlock just pulled a muscle rushing to his computer so he could pontificate on the subject.

Do you think it is even possible that this will blow over? That the media will actually read this at face value and understand it was a comment on Notre Dame's admittance standards and not a comment about "the black athlete"?

Sigh, I am guessing no. I think I am gonna remove PTI off the DVR schedule for the next few days.

Source: Deadspin

Who Ya Got?

So there have been two athlete/sex scandals that have been making their way through the presses this week. One features former greatest pitcher ever, current greatest douche ever Roger Clemens. The other features former greatest soccer player at the time, current "Oh yeah, I remember that guy!" Ronaldo.

Just a quick recap:
The New York Daily News has been on a Clemens warpath this week. They have not only discovered that he had a 20 year affair with a 15 year old country music singer (the sex only happened once she was in her twenties. Cough *bullshit* cough), but now it has came out that he was sleeping with John Daly's ex-wife, a bartender at Sutton Place (now a realtor) , plus a bevy of others that he "fly across the country on his private plane".

Ronaldo meanwhile found himself in somewhat if a sex scandal as he tried to pick up 3 hookers in his home country of Brazil. Now, it is legal to do this in Brazil. But Ronaldo's Risky Business quickly turned into The Crying Game is he soon found out he had picked up 3 males dressed as females. He tried to pay them to keep quiet about his mistake, but one of the she/he prostitutes demanded more money and Ronaldo balked. So she went to the presses.

Let's break this down.

Embarrassment factor:
Clemens had backed much of his Congressional Hearing testimony on the fact that he was a family man, which has been blown to pieces by this. Ronaldo, on the other hand, accidentally paid to have sex with dudes. I expect many taunts could come of this.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Story Popularity:
While the New York Daily News continues to find more and more women who had previous relations with Clemens, people died on this story real quick. Ronaldo's story was the #1 most e-mailed story on the BBC web page the day it came out.
Advantage: Ronaldo

Squeamish Factor:
While Ronaldo's story may serve has a fable for picking up hookers, the end was more teen comedy than anything, since nothing happened except for some minor extortion. Clemens meanwhile was having sex with a bevy of 80s chicks. And no one wants to really picture that. Yuck. Plus, hooking up with a chick that had previously been with John Daly? Clemens you have no shame. Although you may have an STD. And lung cancer.
Advantage: Clemens

Women Involved:
This gets tricky since one of the contendors technically had no women involved in his scandal. But here is a picture of one of the hooker trannies. Clemens meanwhile was one of the best pitchers ever in his prime at the time of his sexual romps. Yet the women he was hooking up with were hideous. Here is a picture of two of them here. And John Daly's ex is no prize winner either. Something tells me that Roger may have fallen for the same trick Ronaldo did. Still, Ronaldo picked up 3 dudes so...
Advantage: Clemens (barely)

As we see, there is no way to decide which one is better. On paper, it looks like Ronaldo wins by a nose (or adam's apple). Either way, both stories are really, very strange and slightly scary.

Late Edit: We have a new candidate in the mix as well! Barbara Walters has just admitted to having an affair with a former US Senator in the 70s that lasted a few years! And the Senator was African American. But you could have assumed that looking at Barbara. Is it as embarrassing as Ronaldo? No. Is it as gross as picturing Roger in your head? God yes.

Sports Watercooler

An uninspiring rundown of last night's sporting news:

Boston showed the Hawks who was the favorite by beating them by 25. The game really was over about a minute into the game with KG's roof blowing dunk. I could tell right from the start that there was no way he would let them lose that game. The series now heads to Atlanta where Boston has yet to win.

In a much more exciting game (and a series I neglected to mention yesterday), Washing staved off elimination. Facing a win or go home game IN Cleveland, and down 5 with less than 2 minutes to go, Washington still won, as LeBron missed a lay up with under 3 seconds to play. Exciting right down to the end. It should be noted that Washington also did this with Arenas sitting out, as he is done for the year.

Moving sports, the Stars couldn't close the door on the sweep against the Sharks. And the Flyers moved up a game on the Candians. Both series are now 3 games to 1.

There are some other things that happened. The Yankees DL is now better than their actual team as Phil Hughes joins Jorge and A-Rod. Maybe this explains why Hughes has blown this year? The Mavs fired Avery Johnson, and there are conflicting reports on whether the Suns have/are firing Mike D'Antoni. The BCS rejected the "Plus 1" plan.

And this is a few days late, but it should be known that yes, I am incredibly pumped that Ben Hansbrough is transferring to Our Lady's University. Sure he isn't as talented as his brother, but is can be the 6'4" 3-point shooter/slasher the Irish really needed to replace Colin Falls and Kurz. And we know he can rise to the occasion, as he scored 19 against Memphis in the NCAA tournament. Welcome to the Irish Ben! You got any more brothers?

Voting Season!

Its an election year and everyone has a various method on trying to win your vote. As Hillary and Obama battle it out in various states no one cares about (love you Indiana!), there is a senate race in Oregon that demands our attention.

Politics is a strange debate. We get caught up over trying to vote for someone who is like us, because somehow we view "like us" as "represents us best", which is really different. I won't pontificate for too long, but its the reason we have had the same president for the past 8 years. Because he was way more like us than a snooty Kerry. We could have a beer with Bush!

People are slowly realize that people can be, and in fact should be, smarter than us. We don't need people like us in Washington, we need people who can lead us.

And yet, against everything I have just said, I have found my man for Oregon's senatorial spot. Steve Novick. Steve is running on the platform that he isn't your typical politician. And he is not. He is 4'9". He isn't an orangish-color with slicked back hair. Oh, and he has a metal hook. That he uses at bars!

Check out this political ad:




He manages to work in the aspect that I WOULD want to sit around and have a beer with him, with the fact that he is half cyborg! You knew this day would come! He also has this brilliant ad:



You feeling that? Its a candidate you can really love. Deep down you don't love any other candidate. You like Hillary because you are a female. You like Barack because you don't want other people to know you harbor racist thoughts. You like McCain because you like ruling the world on shear terror. But you like Steve Novick because he is short and has a hook. And apparently quite humorous.

Is it too early for me to buy www.stevenovickforpresident2012.com yet?

Source: The Big Lead

Spotted!

I think seeing a celebrity in real life is always sort of funny. A solid handful obviously live around New York. Most have to appear outside at some point. But I think seeing them when you are not looking for them is hard to do. When you are watching a movie, every character triggers a "where have I seen him before?" response. But walking down the street, you don't examine each face trying to think where you have seen them before.

Really, you only spot celebrities if they are doing something strange. At least that has been my case. Take this morning, for example. I am walking to work and see this dude riding a scooter while walking his dog, which seems like a mix between a really lazing thing to do, and really relaxing (since he wasn't going to fast, for the sake of the dog). Once that spectacle caught my eye, I realized the guy on the scooter was John Liguizamo.

Just taking his dog on a walk. Via scooter.

Strangely, it was the same location I have seen Ethan Hawke on a few occasions. Maybe they are roommates.

Sports Watercooler

Basketball is a strange sport in this regard. There probably isn't a sport that more people play, more people watch at the college level and totally disregard the professional level. The NBA playoffs are amazing right now. These first round games have been wild. Remember when everyone thought that the Celtics would plow through the Hawks? Well that series is tied 2-2. And when people thought that the Suns and the Spurs would be a battle to the end? After an amazing Game 1, the Spurs buzzed through the Suns so fast that the Suns coach is now out of a job (D'Antoni's stint on the unemployment line will last what? a month?).

So even though I have much less knowledge about the NBA than Dr. J, I am far less busy, so lets get caught up to speed together.

Advancing to the second round: Welcome to the New Orleans Hornets, the San Antonio Spurs, the Orlando Magic, and the Las Angeles Lakers. While the Lakers beat Denver in a sweep (and thus starting 4 months of "Who Wants to Trade for Carmello?" sweepstakes), all the other series mentioned were over in 5 games.

Hanging around: This would be the Philadelphia 76ers and the Houston Rockets, who are both on the brink of elimination 3 games to 2. The 76ers started out with a major upset win but then lost their mojo as Detroit didn't panic and played their game. Houston started out by losing both home games but then took 2 in Utah.

What the hell? As previously mentioned, the Atlanta Hawks (aka former punchline of the NBA) are tied in their series with Boston. And while I don't expect them to win another game this series, you have to be enjoying the ride. Atlanta won on sheer emotion Monday night, as Joe Johnson had 20 points in the 4th quarter. How can you not be cheering for the loveable losers to take down Goliath? And the single worst thing you can give an underdog opponent: confidence. They now have the swagger and they think they can actually win this thing.

Your Cheatin' Heart

Raise your hand if this Clemens having an affair with a 15 year old country music star frightens you. It sounds like a plot line out of a bad television show.

But really, is this even a story? Sorry for all this participation, but raise your hand if you are still surprised to read about affairs with professional athletes. When A-Rod was caught with that stripper friend last year, the media flipped out and most sports fans yawned, saw she wasn't even attractive, maybe made a quick joke, and was ready to move on.

And here again, its the perfect media cares more than us storm. It involves Clemens (yawn) and a professional athlete's love life (yawn).

People like to hear about athletes lives, they like stories like Reggie Willits, utility player for the Angels who actually lives in a batting cage. And stories like Roy Oswalt getting a Bulldozer from the owner when he won the Cy Young because he always wanted one. Fun, quirky stories are good. Hard struggle stories are good (see Hamilton, Josh). But stories we all already assume to be true, its worth a glance and its time to move on.

Clemens added some shock value with the age and profession of his mistress. But really, did anyone read any of those articles with the same attentiveness you read about a truely compelling story? One where you read the initial article, then google it to find out if there is commentary online? No.

And what's sad is, the media sees Scandal and Big Name and just assumes that we will really care about this. We care about last night's game. The scores. Who hit the big hits, who pitched lights out, and when Jorge will be back. Not retired pitchers stepping out on their wives 20 years ago.

The Sports Watercooler

Now that the NFL draft is over, what are the emotions? How do you feel about what your team did this weekend? Are you excited for a new era of Quarterbacking Atlanta, Baltimore, Miami, Green Bay, and Minnesota? Are you excited not really for next year, but for the future Kansas City? Are you excited just to watch someone with insane talent St. Louis and Oakland?

And how many people have read "report cards" about how your team did? Post draft analysis and report cards are one of the most fun and one of the most pointless parts of the draft. There is no way you can predict how the draft can pan itself out until 3 years down the road. Yet, it still helps to put some sort of grade on how your team did.

Mainly though, fans will only feel elated. Unless your team took Ted Ginn 3 rounds before he should have gone, the day after the draft is full of hope and excitement. Your first round pick was a beast in college. Imagine what he can do when he has some real teammates around him.

So today is a day of never ending possibilities. Your rivals all drafted like crap, you can't believe at least 2 of your picks fell to your team, and your 5th round pick is a sleeper. Mel Kiper will see eventually that they deserved higher than a B-.

The Get Pumped for the Weekend Video

We are going for a classic today. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

Now we can all be "athletes!"

There are a couple of reasons Ninendo decide to design the Wii to be so unique. One was because the GameCube blew goats. But their marketing department would like to tell you that its to give the average couch sitting video gamer some sort of exercise.

And Wii games are fun. You really are swinging a baseball bat, a golf club or a sword (yeah, the new Zelda is sorta awesome. Screw you). Its a way for people who are not good at golf, to be good at golf using a similar skill set. So what task would they accomplish now? Eating.

On May 12, "Major League Eating: The Game" hits shelves. Exclusively for the Wii. To quote Nintendo World Report:

The game features the world's greatest gurgitory athletes competing across a variety of foods and venues. Built much like a classic fighting game and deeper than a Chicago style deep-dish pizza, MLE: The Game requires players to master a smorgasbord of offensive and defensive weapons including bites, burps, belches, mustard gas and jalapeño flames while cramming and chewing food at a world-class pace. It's not for the faint of heart, the slow of reflex, or those with an overly strong aversion to a Technicolor reversal of fortune.

Players will use the Wii-mote to simulate different eating techniques including the cram, toss, and "typewriter."

You can play 2 player mode or online. And apparently the 2 player mode will feature plenty of mini-games and competitions for you and your friends. And all the big names are a part of the game. Play as Crazy Legs, Kobiyashi, that Asian Girl, Joey Chesnut, Eater X, you name it!

Here is a screen shot.

2008 NFL Mock Draft

It has always been my general thesis that no one can correctly predict the NFL draft. Its near impossible. There are too many trades, too many dumb GMs, and way too many strange things. NFL teams take into account much more than just talent in the college level. They rely on the combine, they rely on character, on marketing (drafting someone from the local school), and need.

So I am not even going to attempt to offer a guess at what all these teams will do in the first round. Instead, I am going to offer you what they all should do. If the draft were based solely on need and the talent of the college kids, this is what should happen.

1. Miami Jack Long
Well, the drama is gone here. They have already signed Jake Long. Which is a good pick for a team clearly rebuilding. A strong O-Line is the main building block of any team. It will give a young (and probably terrible) quarterback more time, and it will help the running game chew up clock time. Solid pick for Miami.

2 Rams Chris Long
The Rams really needed an O-Lineman here. Their quarterback suffered a lot last year after being sacked more times than Lindsey Lohan (British innuendo, yes!). But you aren't the second pick in the draft and only have one weakness. The Rams suck, so they are gonna take the best player they can to fill some of their many holes. Chris Long it is!

3 Atlanta Glenn Dorsey
So here I get to rant for a bit. Atlanta obviously needs a quarterback, what with theirs sitting in prison. The best QB in this draft is Matt Ryan. But he is not one of the best 3 players in this draft. And this is where teams screw up. Its how good players drop and how bad players get labeled as busts because they have expectations they don't have the skills to exceed. Do you take a guy who is 15-20 talent-wise with the number 3 spot? Or just take the third best guy because he is freaking awesome? Well, since this is my draft, I am taking Dorsey. And he is a beast.

4 Oakland Raiders Darren McFadden
Here is a case where you just got to man up and pick the best guy. Darren McFadden is the best player in this draft, is loaded with talent, and is going to be really good in the NFL. People have been focusing on his character issues and his kids (who didn't have 2 kids from 2 girls coming out of college), but forget what a transcendent college player he was. He threw, ran, and caught touchdowns with ease. It doesn't matter that the Raiders have about a dozen running backs on their roster, McFadden will be better than all of them by the end of camp.

5 Kansas City Ryan Clady
After trading with Minnesota they now own the first day of the draft. 2 first round picks and a ton of second and third rounders. With that many picks, they can, and should, just stash linemen to build toward the future. Why Ryan Clady? I haven't even heard of the dude, but the guy on NFL.com predicted this, so I will go along with him.

6 NY Jets Jeff Laggelman
Ha, just kidding. But seriously, if you have never seen this YouTube, you gotta check it out. Its a montage of all the Jets picks from the about 10 years ago and the crowd reactions. This clip along has made sure I am sitting in front of a TV on Saturday when the Jets pick, just to hear the crowd boo, no matter who they pick. A lot of the local media think the Jets could land McFadden here, which would make me happy. I have also read that they Jets love Matt Ryan here, which see my thoughts in from the Atlanta pick. My reaction would be pretty much like the fans in the YouTube.

7 New England Humility
After riding high all last season starting with the Red Sox championship, the Celtics acquiring one of the best players of all time, and the Patriots going undefeated, a lot of Boston fans and players started to get a bit of an ego. And openly wondered where their place in history belonged. The Giants put them in their place right? Well, remember the week leading up to the playoffs when the Patriots organization tried to copyright the phrase "19-0". You would think they dropped their case, no? Well, they are still going through with trying to get it branded. I think a nice dose of humility is a good value pick for the Patriots here at 7.

8. Baltimore Ravens Matt Ryan
Now here is where a good QB should be taken. Sure its still above his current talent level, but the Ravens desperately need a good QB. Right now they are headed to camp debating on whether Kyle Boeller or Troy Smith is going to lead this team. Matt Ryan already has the East Coast appeal, so I deem this an acceptable place for him to go.

9 Bengals Dr. Joyce Winters, Child Psychologist
This Chad Johnson thing is getting out of hand. First he wants to get traded. Then he loves Cincinnati. The he is photographed holding a customized Redskins jersey with his name on it. Now he refuses to play unless they trade him. Meanwhile, Marvin Lewis is calling his bluff and telling him to go ahead and sit out. Really, this is a lot of work for a player who became well known because of his outlandish dances, his numbers do not add up to elite player. At least TO can back up his insanity.

10 Saints Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie
The Saints need a corner, and most everything I have read about this kid is: "his cousin was a star in the NFL last year who dropped too far in the draft! Don't miss out on these genes!" Also, just to monitor, the Saints may not be picking here, as they have their sights set on Jeremy Shockey. And I think this is a great trade. The Giants didn't really gel until after Shockey was hurt and not playing, and the Saints have his TE coach from his rookie year, when he cared.

11 Buffalo Bills A New Contract
I can't decide if drafting Trent Edwards last year was a good thing for them or bad. On one hand, they now have a QB who was actually pretty serviceable. On the other, they have to pay JP Losman star QB money as he rides the pine.

12 Denver Chris Williams
Remember when Denver could just slap any RB in the game and he would rush for 140 yards and 2 TDs? Well last year, that didn't happen at all. So its time for Shanny to shore up that O-Line again. Chris Williams could help them do that. Plus, as a bonus, he is used to holding the line for Jay Cutler, as they were college teammates.

13 Carolina Some lineman you have never heard of
They are yet another team whose QBs were hurt far too often. Panther fans, you want to make sure David Carr never sees the field next seaon? Pray they draft a lineman here.

14 Chicago Bears 2006
How many people watched this team last year and really wondered how in God's name this team was in the Superbowl a year ago?

15 Detroit Lions A new GM
I managed to sneak a peak at Matt Millans draft cheat sheet. His top 5 are: DeSean Jackson, Limas Sweed, James Hardy, Malcolm Kelly, and Devin Thomas. Are Lions selecting WR jokes old yet?

16 Arizona Cardinals Jonathon Stewart
Edgerrin James's career took a huge nosedive as soon as he left the Colts. At first people blamed the bad O-line. But eventually, people are just gonna see that Edge is getting old. Jonathon Stewart will provide an insane 1-2 combo in the running back position here.

17 Kansas City (From Minnesota)
See pick 5. But since Minnesota now has no first pick, let me take this time to laud the trade they just made. Character issues aside, this is an amazing pick for them. The Vikings haven't had the best track record when it comes to the draft (anyone remember when they just missed their pick for 3 slots a few years ago?). The only time their drafts have paid off, is when players drop way further than they should have and Minnesota had to take them (Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson and Randy Moss). So this year, they trade the chance to take a bust and instead get a guy who lead the league in sacks. A pass rusher was a big hole they had last season, why not fill it with the best? Good work on knowing you suck at this Minnesota.

18 Houston Texans Whoever they want
The Texans got racked over the coals when they picked Mario Williams over Reggie Bush and Vince Young. Now? They have one of the best young defenders in the league while the other two have been sucking royally. I can make a snarky comment, or try and say what they should do, but they have earned the right to do whatever the fuck they want right here.

19 Eagles Gosder Cherilus
Maybe I missed it when BC was running all over Notre Dame this year, but does anyone else have a cooler name? If I was this guy, I would demand both my first and last name to be printed on my jersey. And the Eagles like to draft linemen, so he makes sense here.

20 Tampa Bay Any free agent QB
Remember last year when they had like 5 quarterbacks on their roster? That was funny. Lets recycle that joke.

21 Washington Limas Sweed
The Skins are where wide receivers go to die. They have picked up free agents left and right, pay them a ton of money, and none pan out. Now that their attempt at ruining Chad Johnson has failed, they will look to fill their gap in the draft. Limas, apart from having the name of a children's movie villain, should work.

22 Dallas Cowboys Felix Jones
Without Julius Jones, I don't think Dallas feels that Barber can carry the ball all the time. Even in college he shared the role with Maroney. Felix Jones has the potential to be an amazing star. But in college he split carries with McFadden. Well, I think its pretty obvious here. Both backs are like former Siamese twins looking for someone to complete themselves. And I think this is a fit!

23 Pittsburgh Steelers Nate McLouth
The dude has been tearing it up for the Pirates this year. His 19 game hitting streak just ended. Since he is already being worshiped in Pittsburgh right now, I don't think any fan will object to this pick.

24 Tennessee A new hairstyle for Jeff Fischer
This guy has been rocking the semi-mullet and mustache combination for a while now. I think its time to switch it up to a hairstyle that has been out of style for only 5 years now. Like a goatee.

25 Seattle Shaun Alexander
We just cut who? The guy who was MVP 2 years ago? Well at least we have a good back up. Who? Matt Morris? And we traded for Julius Jones? Aw Christ.

Just kidding. Alexander is a shell of his former self.

26 Jacksonville ????
I honestly don't know much about them at all. I know they were pretty good last year and were probably the 2nd best team in the league behind the Patriots. That said, I have no idea who they should draft. Probably a WR.

27 San Diego Chargers Chad Henne
Its looking more and more like Rivers will be a serviceable QB, but not a great one. Why not pull the trigger and hope Henne is such? I do think that its a bit of a reach and goes against everything I said about Matt Ryan earlier, but its pick 27, I am running out of people I know, and I doubt anyone is reading anymore anyways.

28 Dallas A Good Attorney
After trading for PacMan Jones (Pac-Man? Pacman? Pac Man?), they are going to need a good lawyer around at all times. This guy has some serious skills. He also manages to be around a lot of people shooting guns. That and they whole making it rain thing.

29 San Francisco Pity
It really does suck for them to have their first pick at 29. No one on their team is as good as people thought. A solid pick of some nationwide pity should make them feel better for a bit.

30 Green Bay Packers Jesus
With Brett Farve gone, Wisconsinites are going to need someone else to worship on Sundays. Its about time they found Jesus. The one who doesn't star in Wranger's ads.

31 New England (Void)
How hilarious would it be if ESPN and the commissioner just made the Patriots take the full 10 minutes while everyone just sat around, discussing things. Maybe a few shots of their war room.

32 New York Giants whichever corner or safety is left
With the final pick in the first round, look for the Giants to draft for the secondary. I felt this was a main weakness last year.

The Sports Watercooler

Its the raw power of the NFL where it can dominate ESPN news coverage 3 and a half months before the season starts. I know that the draft is coming up this weekend and is always a conversation starter, but this goes beyond just draft coverage.

News abounds in across the sporting world, as the NFL has trumped baseball as the season is starting to find its grove, the NBA as the best playoffs in the last ten years are underway, and the NHL playoffs as they enter the second round.

We have news about Pac-Man Jones getting traded. We have Shaun Alexander being cut. We have Matt Walsh agreeing to meet with the NFL on May 13. We have Miami signing their number one pick already and actively shopping Taylor around now (you mean you worry that your franchise player may not be committed to the team because he spends the offseason dancing on national TV? Shocking!)

On that note, stay tuned this afternoon for Bikes in Trees first ever Mock Draft.

Strange Sunday

So I often debate on how much of my personal life I should put in here. On one hand, I like to read about things people experience that I either can not or had never had the opportunity. Sort of like Big Grizz's tales of Lightning Bingo, or someone going to eat in a fancy restaurant, going to an event, or this blogger's first hand narrative of being at Lamar Odom's end of the season party. Cool stuff happens to people, and its fun to read about.

On the other hand, blogs are still public forum and while I don't think twice about any of my illogical sports theories and predictions, real life is a different beast.

But with the realization that 90% of you probably won't experience what happened to me last Sunday, and the fact that only about 10 people read this, I present to you, my Sunday.

I am in the process of designing a website from somebody in the fashion industry. She has appeared on television before and various people reckonize her name when I tell them, so I guess she is big in come circles. I obviously had never heard of her until she hired me.

On Sunday, we were scheduled to take photographs for her website. And since this is the fashion industry, there was no half-assing this. They had hired 5 or 6 models from agencies around the city, and a photographer whose works have appeared in Vogue, Essence, and the like. He had a really cool picture he took of Halle Berry in his place (apparently she was real nice, but not too outgoing when it came to poses. She just stuck with the same 4 or 5 looks, publicist approved).

So the shoot was scheduled to take place in the photographer's apartment and rooftop. I took my lovely assistant with me and we headed down there. I should have realized it before hand, but we were set to get started at the same time The Pope was set to have a ceremony at Ground Zero a few blocks away.

The first sign I totally ignored was that we had to get off the subway 2 stops early. Which meant for a few minutes of confused walking before I figured out the direction we needed to be headed. We got to a point where I could see exactly where we needed to be across the street. Sadly, every cross street had at least 2 or 3 police officers directing people away. There was no crossing this street. It then dawned on me that The Pope was making an appearance.

After walking the length of the West Side Highway to Battery Park, we found a spot where they were letting people pass. So we made our way back around and to the correct building.

An assistant met us at the ground level and took us to the 26th floor where everyone was getting prepped. It was a strange seen. From what I could see, there were 2 hair stylists, and each one of those had at least 1 assistant (one girl was just there to do eye lashes). There were also make up artists with big suitcases sort of milling about.

Sorry to break a lot of bubbles here, but models are not really attractive in person. They all came in one at a time, looking like they had just had a long night of booze and crack, and puking up breakfast. Once hair and make up were done, they looked much better, but still, it was like finding out there was no Santa Claus.

Outside the window, something began to catch everyone's attention, the Papal motorcade was pulling up. We just happened to have a front and center view of the entire proceedings (except, 26 stories high). The Papal limo drove into this tent and out the other side drove the always awesome Pope Mobile. He rode that for something like 100 feet (tops) and then got out. He met the governor, the mayor, some 9/11 people, and then got back into the Pope Mobile, back into the tent, the limo came out the other side again (Pope magic!), and the whole motorcade drove off again.

And that was that. At least outside the window.

Inside the apartment was still nuts. It was lunch time now, so they brought out a tray of sandwiches. Not wanting to be "that guy", I let other people pick first. BIG MISTAKE. It looked like a bunch of small woodland creatures were there. The models just took the ham and the lettuce from the sandwiches, and left a tray of croissant scraps and cheese.

Luckily the tray of cookies went untouched.

The rest of the day (I left soon after lunch) went about what you expect. The photographer kept telling them how to act ("You are suspicious!"), the models all made the same, disinterested face, and somehow, we will end up with amazing pictures.

So the Pope and a Photoshoot, all before noon on a Sunday.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the creepiest thing--hair extensions. I don't know if any of our female readers have had these before, but it gave me nightmares that night. The hairstylist just busted out a Gristedes bag full of hair. All different colors and what not. I can't even write about this, I am gagging.

The Sports Watercooler

A quick rundown from last night's news from the sporting world.

We have 2 sports in their playoffs, and if you are like me, its hard to keep up with all of the various series. So here is a cheat sheet to get you all caught up.

NBA:

East:
Boston leads Atlanta 1-0.
The first meeting went exactly how people thought it would. A blow out. 90% of NBA fans still can't come to terms with the fact that the Atlanta Hawks are even in the playoffs.

Philadelphia leads Detroit 1-0
In the biggest upset of the playoffs, the 76ers overcame a big deficit to steal one away from the Pistons.

Cleveland leads Washington 2-0
These teams have met in the playoffs the past 2 years in a row, and you can tell. Last night's game featured flagrant fouls and an ejection. It also featured a Cavs blowout.

Orlando leads Toronto 1-0.
Dwight Howard had a monster Game 1, but even though the score was a blowout, these two teams are fairly evenly matched.

West:
LA leads Denver 1-0.
No big shock here. Pau Gasol obviously loved playing in a meaningful playoff game, as he had a fantastic game.

New Orleans leads Dallas 1-0.
A lot of people thought that Dallas could pull the upset and win this series. So far, not so good.

San Antonio leads Phoenix 1-0.
What promised to be the most excited first round matchup of all time did not disappoint in Game 1. San Antonio won in a last second drive in 2 OTs.

Utah leads Houston 2-0.
Tracy McGrady just as far as he ever has been from finally winning a playoff series.

NHL:

Eastern:
Montreal beat Boston 4-3.
Even though they needed 7 games to beat the previously terrible Bruins, the Canadians will advance to the second round.

Philadelphia and Washington are tied 3-3.
Game 7 is tonight. Apart from scoring twice in Game 6, superstar Ovechkin has been quiet this whole series.

New York beat New Jersey 4-1.
The Rangers made light work of the Devils, as Lundgvist had a great series.

Pittsburgh beat Ottawa 4-0.
If you blinked, you missed this series. NHL front office was too busy giving each other high fives over Sidney Crosby making it further in the playoffs to comment.

West:
Dallas beat Anaheim 4-2.
And the Stanley Cup's stay in Anaheim is short lived, as the defending champions barely put up a fight.

Calgary and San Jose are tied 3-3.
The pivotal Game 7 is tonight in San Jose. As you know, as of yesterday, I am a huge Calgary fan. Go Flames!

Detroit beat Nashville 4-2.
After a brief scare from Nashville, the Red Wings made sure to remind them which city was home to country music, and which city was titled "Hockey Town".

Colorado beat Minnesota 4-2.
A lot of games this series went to OT, but Colorado prevailed.

And now, you can be all caught up! Some fun games to watch tonight if you are bored. Two exciting NHL Game 7s, the next Suns/Spurs game, and, obviously, Hell's Kitchen. But that is neither here nor there.

Go Flames.

Sports Watercooler

Today has been a busy day, and sadly, I foresee a lot of that this week.

And don't go expecting any posts tonight, because Gossip Girls is back on and my ass will be parked in front of the TV for that one. How can Blair possibly go back to that school when everyone hates her?! Little Jenny is more popular than her and she is from, ugh, Brooklyn! We can't let poor people who actually live in huge million dollar Brooklyn lofts become popular at our cities most prestigious high schools!!

Anyways, I can't let a Monday go by without picking a Bandwagon Team of the week.

And this one will be tricky, but pretty easy to do. Everyone loves cheering for an underdog. And no underdog will be more fun to cheer for this week than the Calgary Flame. They are an 8 seed playing the 1 seed. The series is tied 3 to 3. In fact, their opponent , the San Jose Sharks had the third best odds of winning the Stanley Cup, according to Vegas.

Plus, look deep within your heart and be honest with yourself. A team from San Jose, California has no business knocking a team from Canada out of the NHL Playoffs. They are the only people who even care about the sport!

Tomorrow night is Game 7. As a whole, hockey Game 7s have more intensity and more drama than any other sports. So hop on the bandwagon and cheer for the Flames with me, eh?

The Get Pumped for the Weekend Video

Everybody is just working for the weekend, right? How about The Office remix?

By the way, great episode last night.

NBA Playoffs: Western Conference

By Dr. J

Now that the Western Conference matchups have been set, I can give my take on them. Even though I give predictions with each one of the series, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was dead wrong for any of them except for the Lakers series. All the teams in the West are pretty closely matched up, and this will make for some great playoff basketball.

1 Los Angeles Lakers vs. 8 Denver Nuggets

Of all the Western Conference playoff matchups, this is the only one which I can see going one way. The Lakers are far and away the favorite of this match-up, and their ability to achieve the best record in the West legitimizes that status. Ever since LA stole (and that’s not strong enough of a word) Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies, they have been playing the best out of any team in the Western Conference. Gasol has fit in nicely, and Lamar Odom appears to be much more comfortable as a third option after Gasol’s arrival. Then there’s Kobe. Kobe is the most indomitable force in the NBA. He is unstoppable. Every time he’s on the floor and doesn’t take the shot on offense, I’m flabbergasted. The Nuggets, on the other hand, have some superstars playing for them, too. Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson are great players, and Kenyon Martin and Nene are functional role players. And don’t even get me started on Eduardo Najera. The Nuggets inability (or is it disinterest?) to play defense is what will make all the difference in this series. Kobe can’t be stopped, and the double teams he draws will only make it easier for Gasol and Odom.

Prediction: The Lakers will flex their muscles against the Nuggets. Because of the Denver superstars, the Nuggets will probably be able to muster enough for one win, but I don’t see much more than that. Lakers in 5.

2 New Orleans Hornets vs. 7 Dallas Mavericks

This series is hard to have an opinion on. The Hornets have the much better regular season record, and they have a budding superstar (and MVP candidate) in Chris Paul. The one thing working against them, though, is that they have a major lack of post-season experience. What I can’t decide here is if they have enough talent to overcome that, and it appears as if they do. They have two all-stars in David West and Chris Paul. Tyson Chandler is a force down low, and who could forget about Peja Stojakovic? This team has some budding stars and great role players around them. Then there are the Mavs. They have the reigning MVP in Dirk Nowitzki, a veteran point guard in Jason Kidd, a shooting guard with ice in his veins with Jason Terry, and a good supporting cast in Josh Howard and Erick Dampier. So, the Mavs easily sport the more veteran cast of characters of the match-up. Working against Dallas, however, is the injury report. Dirk has never completely healed from his late-season injury, and Jerry Stackhouse is still feeling the effects of a groin pull. Finally, there is the playing style of the two teams. The Hornets, by virtue of their superb point guard, are always able to find an easy basket, while the Mavs fall in love with the jumpshot too much. This propensity for taking tough shots will most likely rear its ugly head at the ends of close games, when the defensive intensity gets pumped up.

Prediction: Dallas has experience on its side, and New Orleans has unproven talent working for it. New Orleans has the home-court advantage, and that ought to be enough to just nudge them ahead of the Mavs (because that arena will be going nuts). Hornets in 7.

3 San Antonio Spurs vs. 6 Phoenix Suns

Here you have the classic case of two teams headed in opposite directions. The Suns have started to hit their stride after their addition of Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq is only a shell of his old self, but Amare Stoudemire has really started to shine after the addition of Shaq to the Suns. Nash has started to figure out that the lane will be more clogged up with Shaq in the middle, and he has begun to adapt. On top of this, the Suns showed about a week ago that the addition of Shaq has made them a formidable opponent for the Spurs because Shaq can contend with Tim Duncan. It’s because of the addition of Shaq and the fact that the Suns have figured out how to play with him in their line-up that the Suns are a much better playoff team than they used to be. On the other side, the Spurs seem to be slowing down at the wrong time. They have shown an ability, though, to turn it on at any time they want, and this would be the right time for them to do it. Manu Ginobili has been slowed by a nagging groin injury, and Tim Duncan isn’t as young as he used to be. Tony Parker will be great, but he will probably just be equaled by Nash. Plus, the Spurs never win a championship in even-numbered years (look it up). Compound all of this with recent blowout losses by the Spurs to the Suns, the Jazz, and the Lakers, and the Spurs do not look primed for the postseason.

Prediction: The Suns are hitting their stride, and the Spurs seem to be in a slight swoon. Look for Stoudemire to dominate this series. Suns in 6.

4 Utah Jazz vs. 5 Houston Rockets

The team with the biggest home-court advantage versus the team with the longest win streak of the season. Last season, these two teams faced off in the first round, and the Jazz won in seven games. Let’s see where we’ve gone since then. The Jazz haven’t made many major additions other than adding Kyle Korver (nasty-good 3-pt shooter) to their roster. Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur, and Andrei Kirilenko have one more year of NBA experience under their belts. Then there are the Rockets, who also haven’t made many changes in their lineup. They’ve added super-rookies Carl Landry and Luis Scola, but no major trades. The Rockets, though, are noticeably missing their big man, Yao Ming, this time around. Which brings this question to mind, if the Rockets couldn’t beat the Jazz with Yao Ming last year, then how will they be able to do it this year without Yao Ming? The answer: they can’t.

Prediction: The Jazz will take care of the Rockets. Houston’s chemistry, and Tracy McGrady’s superstardom will prevent the sweep, but it won’t get them the series victory. Jazz in 6.

My Mavericks prediction breaks my heart, but I’m taking the path that Kirby suggested with March Madness and picking against the team that I love. This way if they lose, at least I didn’t pick them to win, but if they win, I’ll be freakin’ pumped! Enjoy the playoffs, I know I will. And I’ll be back with some weekly analysis.

Real World Hollywood: Live Blog

The Real World season three million started last night. Its hard for me to decide if I am a fan or not. For the most part, I freaking love it. But 90% of the time, at about episode 8, I lose interest, and then watch random marathons here and there and generally just wait until the next season. Or I just watch to see who is gonna dominate the next season of The Gauntlet.

But as long as I am still in the halcyon days of Real World Hollywood, I might as well share my experiences with you. So lets begin.

First off, this cast is going to be a hilarious train wreck. I like how they went with the Hollywood theme and just picked people who think they have the chops to be actors and musicians.

Lets meet the first batch.

Joey, 24 from Chicago. He wants to be an actor. He is talking but I can't hear much else, his pink shirt is too loud. His audition tape just shows him working out A LOT. This dude is gonna be fun to watch, I already hate him.

Kimberly, 24 from South Carolina. She wants to be an E! reporter. Her "dream job" is being in a studio reporting on "Lindsey Lohan getting arrested again". Reach for the stars Kimberly. Or I guess it wouldn't surprise me if it was Kimberli.

These two meet in a diner. Within the first 5 seconds of meeting, he makes sure she knows he is a personal trainer. My guess is he will be the guy who each of the girls randomly hooks up with when drunk, but immediately regrets it.

Joey informs us that he has never left the city of Chicago before and looking around on the way to the house his only thought is that "he made it". Yeah, made it to the case of the next 12 Gauntlets, followed by a career of steroid abuse, alcoholism, and rage. I guess I shouldn't generalize, afterall, one or two Real World vets live normal lives post show.

Dave, 22 from Pennsylvania. He is an uber-athlete. And apparently very confident in his athletic abilities. He listed about 30 sports he is "good" at.

Sarah, 20 from Phoenix. She is a recent graduate of Arizona State, which, well, something tells me she fits into that stereotype EXACTLY. She has a broadcast journalism degree.

Dave and Sarah meet and I see insta-sparks. Sarah turns 21 on Sunday, which, yikes. Ah, Sarah just announced she has a boyfriend. And here we get her boyfriend threatening to kick the ass of anyone who attempts to hook up with Sarah. Sadly, the fact that he had to take his nerd glasses off before delivering the threat ruined any sort of intimidation he may have had.

Will 23 from Detriot, who is here for music production. He is selling his CD on the street while waiting for...

Brianna 23 from Philly. She wants to sing. Will likes her "gear", her "look" and her "everything". Brianna was apparently on American Idol, according to her. MTV shows no footage for proof.

And here we are at their place this season, which I am sure is amazing, like always. Joey can't even make it inside, he is too transfixed by the gym and by making sure that Bowflex gets their ad time. This place is awesome though, designed to look like a movie set.

Subway gets ad shout out number 2.

"Its very exciting for me to meet Will. All I know about Detroit is that its some scary, inner city, and its surprising to me to meet someone so nice and cute as he is." I don't want to say that Kimberly will make me laugh (both with and at) more than anyone else this season, but she is off to a huge lead.

Now 6 are here, and we are waiting for the online voting winner to join...Greg, 20. Everything I hear about him is hilarious right now. He calls himself Pretty Boy, he calls women Associates. Here he comes.

There is already a "he isn't one of us" type of feelings with Greg. This will be fantastic down the road.

And now its time for shots and nudity.

Let's get to know more about Greg. He hates relationships. He doesn't have friends. And yet he still looks like the coolest dude in the house.

We get to hear about Brianna's ex-boyfriend. He cheated on her numerous times, "treated me like a dog", and he is "the love of my life". Sounds like someone has Daddy issues. And in the very next scene we find out that she is a stripper as well, which confirms that.

But you know, she is just stripping to pay the bills until her singing career takes off. You know.

And now they are hitting up some bars on Hollywood Boulevard.

Sarah already hates Greg, but to be fair, he is acting strangely elitist. Luckily, Joey is here. He feels that Greg is a younger him. He will train him. This will end well.

Will takes the overly dramatic route upon finding out Brianna is a stripper and now he "can't look at her face anymore". To be fair, I couldn't look at her face from the beginning. But you know this will lead to some tears.

A shot of Kimberly putting the shot glasses in the dishwasher makes me laugh for some reason.

Greg is making the girls breakfast, and MTV suspiciously focuses in on a painting of the shark in the background. You can't sway me editors, I am still on the Greg aka "God's gift" bandwagon.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Will and Brianna are discussing her profession. She says that being a stripper doesn't define who she is, its just a job title. Sort of like Vice President of Operations. But with more STDs.

Oh, first drama! Brianna has a warrant out for her arrest. She got arrested before she left for "simple assault and harassment". I don't know if the MTV produces need to fire their background check people, or give them all raises. She has 30 days to come home. Man, a stripper fugitive! Greg is now definitely interested.

Oh now, she is flipping out at her boyfriend! She wanted him to drop the assault charges and instead ended up in a shouting match. Short fuse on this one. "Love of her life".

She just told Kimberly and Sarah about the warrant and Kimberly looked like she just shat a brick. Fugitives AND black people from Detroit?! She can't make out her will fast enough.

Oh man, Sarah and Will, both acting very coy. She left her purse. Will decided to walk her back and get it. Will uses that tactic of telling her he has a "kindergarten crush" on her because "girls like that". Sarah doesn't really care because she can't find her purse.

Greg decides not to go into the club with them because he hates lines. This makes the girls hate him again.

Uh oh, hammered in the confessional. Sarah and Will. Both beyond drunk. Sarah just remembered she had a boyfriend so they head to Will's room instead. Because you know, no cameras there.

And now there is just too much happening at once. Will and Sarah continue to talk about Sarah wanting/not wanting to hook up with him (didn't we see this last season Dunbar?). Brianna and Joey are coming back, where they are going to go for a swim. Brianna is inexplicable walking him with her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. I guess you can take the stripper out of the club but....

Greg just called out Joey for going into the swim suit with his t-shirt on. Then mocks him by doing the same thing. To bad Roid Rage Joey doesn't like "jokes". And now we have yelling and venting. Joey to the girls:

"He don't know me". A Classic Real World taunt.

"He doesn't know where I am from". Chicago.

"I come from a house where I got my ass whupped, every since I was 2 years old." Wait, what? Is that a taunt? Something he is proud of?

"I will knock his ass out". Thats just the roids talking.

Now there is 4 of them venting in the confessional while Greg is conveniently eavesdropping from outside. So he goes to talk to his mom on the phone. He calls them peasants and himself Perfection. Man, I hope he sticks around. He can handle being hated.

Alright, thats the end of show 1. So far:

Kimberly is dumb and hilarious

Joey is a major douche and I haven't found a redeeming quality

Brianna is a fugitive stripper with a short fuse

Sarah is going to cheat on her boyfriend in about episode 2

Will seems like he might be kind of fun

Dave, I don't really know yet

Greg is the man. Or, Perfection, take your pick.

The Sports Watercooler

Just a quick round up of last night's sporting events, since I was in a meeting all morning.

The Tigers beat the Indians 13-2, and have now won 3 in a row and scored 30 runs during that streak (while scoring 33 in their first 12 games). And while people made a big deal about the Tigers opening the season on a skid, the Indians, another popular World Series choice, have the same record, at 5-10.

The Yankees have also put on an offensive show as of late, beating the Red Sox 15-9.

Bandwagon team Pirates lost in an error filled game to the Dodgers, 8-1. I guess by hopping on this bandwagon, we really do get to understand what its like to be a Pirates fan--exciting players on a shitty team.

And the Cubs found their bats and smashed in 12 runs against the Reds.

In the NHL Playoffs, the Penguins completed their sweep against the Ottawa Senators, and were the first team to advance to the second round.

Nashville decided to make things interesting and have tied the Red Wings in their series 2-2. Nashville scored a goal with 9 seconds left in regulation to steal away Game 3, and then opened game 4 by scoring 2 goals within 32 seconds of each other in the 1st period. Momentum much?

Lastly, journeyman sometimes good quarterback Steve McNair has announced he is retiring from the NFL. It will be interesting how history remembers McNair. He was one of the first dual threat quarterbacks, beating teams with both his feet and his arm, but at the same time, his career is marked with injuries and mediocre performances. He lead a team to the Superbowl, but other seasons he seemed to just do enough to get by. He is probably a borderline Hall of Famer, depending on how people start to remember him.

NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference

By Dr. J

Hey, you can call me Dr. J. I’m a big fan of the NBA and the Bikes in Trees blog, so I’ve decided to combine the two with a little breakdown of the upcoming playoffs. Below is my take on the East. Once the West is decided, I’ll submit my breakdown then. For now, whet your whistle with this little puppy.

1 Boston Celtics vs. 8 Atlanta Hawks

This series does not promise to produce any drama, or a repeat of last year’s Warriors v. Mavs series. The Celtics are a dominant team, and through the season they have dominated the Atlanta Hawks, and I don’t figure that this will change very much. The Hawks have added Mike Bibby in the middle of the season, so they will have a little bit of experience to add to Joe Johnson’s playoff experience that he got with his short stint with the Phoenix Suns. Their presence alone should be able to maybe garner one win against the Celts. Sadly, though, the combination of KG, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce will decimate the tiny Hawks. Also, Boston has inexplicably been able to develop its bench through the season, while at the same time turning Rajon Rondo into a very serviceable point guard. This team is primed to make a deep run, and the Hawks won’t get in the way.

Prediction: I want to give the Hawks some love because they are a feel-good story, but semantics can only get you so far. The Hawks should feel good about themselves if they can take one game into the fourth quarter without being down by double digits. Celts in 4.

2 Detroit Pistons vs. 7 Philadelphia 76ers

The Pistons are a fine team. They throw out one of the most balanced lineups every night in ‘Sheed, Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, and Tayshaun Prince. Each of them (except for maybe Prince) has the ability to step up and be the dominant scorer for their team in a game. Not to mention, the Pistons play some pretty good defense (understatement). That said, the Pistons have a habit of starting the occasional game lackadaisically or going stone cold, and a team like the Sixers is the perfect team to take advantage of that. Andre Iguodala has been consistently growing in the absence of Allen Iverson, and Samuel Dalembert has finally started to make his contract not look that ridiculous. This apparent mismatch is tempered a little by the fact that the Sixers split the season series with the Pistons.

Prediction: The Sixers are young, and ambitious, but they don’t have nearly enough talent to overcome the mighty Pistons in this series. I think they do have enough energy and excitement, though, to win a game or two in the series. Pistons in 6.

3 Orlando Magic vs. 6 Toronto Raptors

This series looks to be a matchup of two young and rising stars in the Eastern Conference. Dwight Howard for the Magic and Chris Bosh of the Raptors will most likely go off for tons of points in this series because neither team has an answer for the other. The Magic won the season series 2-1. I don’t put much stock into that, though, because the first game between the two teams was early in the season, and in the final one, Chris Bosh didn’t play. Other than the two top stars, this actually won’t be that close of a series, though. The Magic are a better defensive team and a better offensive team, too. The Magic also have a great supporting cast to help out Howard in Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis. The Raptors, though, have no one other than Bosh on their team.

Prediction: Bosh is a great talent, and he could probably earn a win for the Raptors. It won’t be much more than that, though. Magic in 5.

4 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. 5 Washington Wizards

And now for the big grudge match of the Eastern Conference Playoffs. There is so much trash talk going between these two teams that it almost makes me want to pay attention to the Eastern Playoffs. The trash talk, combined with two electric stars in Lebron and Gilbert Arenas, just makes me salivate for the post-game press conferences. I agree with Gilbert in thinking that “everyone wants to play Cleveland in the first round.” The Cavs definitely have been a little off since they made their big trade. The Cavs have been losing games that they should win as of late. Lebron has been experiencing back spasms. The Cavs have been unable to find a reliable second banana to Lebron. Plus, the Wiz have been energized by the return of their superstar, Arenas. What Arenas failed to mention in his trash talk, however, was that the Wizards are pretty banged up, too. The Wizards easily have the better supporting cast with Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler, and a developing (and slightly injured) DeShawn Stevenson. These teams seem to be headed in opposite directions to me.

Prediction: Washington seems to have everything going for it coming into this matchup, but there is one thing they don’t have: Lebron James. After watching last season’s playoffs, I can’t, in good conscience, pick against his team. This is going to be a great series with tons of venom and last-second shots. If it weren’t for Lebron, I could see this series going either way. Too bad for the Wiz that Lebron’s back won’t slow him down enough. Cavs in 7.

Look for my take on the West this Thursday or Friday, once the seeding is solidified in the Big Boy Conference (West).

The Sports Watercooler

Its pretty much common knowledge that the NFL is the sports that rules all sports. They make the most money, they have the most fans, they get the best ratings.

And so, in recent years, they have tried to push it further. Afterall, their season is only like 4 months long, whereas the NBA actually starts their season a week after the finals are over. Or maybe it just seems that way. (Sidenote: stay tuned, this afternoon we have a great NBA Playoffs preview. And just in case you weren't so pumped about the NHL Playoff preview I did, the NBA one is written by someone who actually knows the sport!).

So the NFL decides to really amp up the publicity of their out of season events. The Combine is being covered like never before. The draft has become insanely huge, even though it is, for the most part, utterly unwatchable. They broadcast the preseason games, ESPN shows footage of training camps, and SI sends reporters to give reports from every minicamp available.

And to be honest with you, I love most of that stuff. The Combine creeps me out a bit (its sort of like a pedophile checking out a grade school yearbook for potential. A bunch of media-types watching young men in their underwear, measuring every aspect of their bodies, and watching them do strange exercises), but the draft is real fun to follow.

Yesterday though, I think a line was crossed. To much fanfare, they announced the NFL schedule. It dominated the front page of ESPN, Deadspin, and SI. It was the talk of Sportscenter and Mike and Mike this morning. And you just couldn't get away from it.

What really is the point? Although its nice to be able to plan a weekend around specific game, and know when your favorite team will be in your hometown, thats the extent of the importance of the day.

People are making a big deal about the Steelers getting the "hardest" schedule, and the Patriots getting the "easiest" schedule. But those numbers are based on last seasons records. Patriot fans are already up in arms over their back to back West Coast road trip weeks, but what if LT tears his ACL in a collision with Shawn Merrian who breaks his femur in a training camp incident? Then that game is a cake walk. What if people chalking up an easy week on the schedule during the Miami week suddenly turns hard when the Tuna drafts every sleeper out of college and has the top 5 rookies in the league?

My main point: don't press this on me. I don't care what the schedule is, especially not in April. Sure you can try and guess how your team will fare, but you are going to be wrong. Its impossible to guess and there is no reason why this should have dominated the sports news from last night.

Instead maybe we can talk about the Twins blowing a lead 2 games in a row in the 8th inning by giving up a combined 9 points to the hapless Tigers.

*bangs head on desk

True Nerd Love

In Jersey City, a young nerd found a way to propose to his equally nerdy girlfriend. He hacked into her computer and programed her version of Bejeweled so that when she reached a certain score, a message popped up saying "Will You Marry Me?"

The couple plans on handing out games of Bejeweled at their wedding.

I made none of the above up, the link to the story is below.

Source: CNN

You da Immel-Man!

So a hearty congratulations goes out to Trevor Immelman on winning the Masters this past weekend. He played very good all 4 days and won the whole thing without much drama on Sunday.

Tiger was also consistently mediocre (by his standards), and hovered around the -4 mark for most of the tournament.

All of this begs the question: is this good for golf?

Its a proven fact that when Tiger is in contention for a Major win, the ratings are significantly higher than when he is totally out of it. And as more and more people win Majors who are not named Eldrick, is this good for the PGA?

On one hand, its the opportunity introduce America to another golfer who is obviously very talented. Would we know who Tervor Immelman is had he not won the Masters? Hell no. But click on any sports minded website and you will be able to read a feature about how much he loves his wife, how he is a dedicated family man, how he works hard to be as good as he is, that sort of thing. America will need someone to cheer for that is not Tiger, maybe we will fall in love with one of these guys.

But we have seen guys like Immelman come and go. People felt the same way when Zach Johnson won last year. Another nice guy who really deserved to win the Masters. And people were happy. And ratings were down.

Admittedly, you need someone heavily favored to really cheer for the underdog. While its fun to cheer for Davidson to beat Georgetown, cheering for Davidson to beat North Carolina Charlotte just doesn't carry the same appeal. The problem here being, Tiger isn't the type of heavily favored champ that North Carolina is. People love Tiger and want him to win every time. They enjoy his dominance, his intensity, and random shots of his wife in the crowd. How can we love the scrappy underdog when he is merely a nuisance to our true love?

So while its always nice to see someone like Immelman win every once in a while (no one who watched him give his little boy that hug after 18 could have been angry at how everything ended up), we need Tiger. Beacuse admit it, Sunday wasn't the most exciting finals at all. You need Tiger surging to victory, or dominating every hole he comes across. Tiger means the most casual fan will check in. And he means the excitement level is ratcheted up a few notches.

So let's all hope Tiger is back on his A game when the US Open starts in a couple of months.

The Sports Watercooler

A quick round-up from this weekend's sporting activities.

Apparently there was an NCAA hockey champion crowned. I don't know, I didn't pay much attention.

Baseball is getting to that point in the season where they have gone through their rotations about 3 times and the season is starting to show its true colors.

For instance, the Tigers are really bad. This should not be happening. In my preseason predictions, I talked about their loaded lineup, the pitching staff should have had 2 Cy Young contendors on it, and they brought over 2 great hitters from the NL in Renteria and Cabrera. Instead, they are getting smoked. Every facet of their game sucked yesterday. The pitching staff gave up two (TWO!) grand slams, and the hitters couldn't get anything across, and were shut out for the second time in 2 days. They have far and away the worst record in baseball right now.

Meanwhile, Baltimore still continues to surprise, as they sit at the top of the AL East. They continue to ride the hot bat of Aubry Huff, but they can't keep this up, can they?

There are some familiar names at the top of the pitching categories (Cole Hamels, Ben Sheets), and a lot of unfamiliar ones. Zach Greinke, Kyle Lohse, Brain Bannister are all off to hot starts.
Mark Reynolds leads the league in RBIs and ESPN.com doesn't even have his picture to post next to his name.

The NHL playoffs are underway. And even though the Stanley Cup playoffs feature a lot of underdog victories, this year its even more so. Only three teams have a 2-0 lead on their opponent (Dallas, Detroit, and Pittsburgh), all the other series are tied or 2-1. 2 of last nights games went to OT and a third was won when a team scored 4 unanswered to overcome a 3-0 deficit.
Trevor Illelmen won the Masters this weekend, in an almost dominating fashion, beating second place Tiger by 3 strokes.

And finally, the NBA playoffs are more or less set. All that remains is the final spot in the West. Its Denver's to lose. And if they do lose, Golden State will make it. Both teams are fun to watch and high energy, so I really have no dog in that race.

And lastly, we say good bye to this week's Bandwagon Team--The Royals. They won a series against the Yankees 2-1 and lost a series to Minnesota 1-2, finishing the week 3-3. This is a great young team, with excellent pitching. I really don't expect them to fade too far as the season progresses.

As for this week's team: lets all cheer for the Pittsburgh Pirates! They have an amazing young player in Nate MacLouth who is currently batting .400 and is in the top ten in fantasy value. Plus Xavier Nady has revitalized his career wearing the yellow and black, and is a hitting machine. Throw in young pitchers like Ian Snell and Tom Gorzallany, and this is an easy team to root for. Currently sitting at .500, this week they will face The Dodgers and The Cubs, two very good NL teams. So they will need our support! Go Pirates!