The Real World season three million started last night. Its hard for me to decide if I am a fan or not. For the most part, I freaking love it. But 90% of the time, at about episode 8, I lose interest, and then watch random marathons here and there and generally just wait until the next season. Or I just watch to see who is gonna dominate the next season of The Gauntlet.
But as long as I am still in the halcyon days of Real World Hollywood, I might as well share my experiences with you. So lets begin.
First off, this cast is going to be a hilarious train wreck. I like how they went with the Hollywood theme and just picked people who think they have the chops to be actors and musicians.
Lets meet the first batch.
Joey, 24 from Chicago. He wants to be an actor. He is talking but I can't hear much else, his pink shirt is too loud. His audition tape just shows him working out A LOT. This dude is gonna be fun to watch, I already hate him.
Kimberly, 24 from South Carolina. She wants to be an E! reporter. Her "dream job" is being in a studio reporting on "Lindsey Lohan getting arrested again". Reach for the stars Kimberly. Or I guess it wouldn't surprise me if it was Kimberli.
These two meet in a diner. Within the first 5 seconds of meeting, he makes sure she knows he is a personal trainer. My guess is he will be the guy who each of the girls randomly hooks up with when drunk, but immediately regrets it.
Joey informs us that he has never left the city of Chicago before and looking around on the way to the house his only thought is that "he made it". Yeah, made it to the case of the next 12 Gauntlets, followed by a career of steroid abuse, alcoholism, and rage. I guess I shouldn't generalize, afterall, one or two Real World vets live normal lives post show.
Dave, 22 from Pennsylvania. He is an uber-athlete. And apparently very confident in his athletic abilities. He listed about 30 sports he is "good" at.
Sarah, 20 from Phoenix. She is a recent graduate of Arizona State, which, well, something tells me she fits into that stereotype EXACTLY. She has a broadcast journalism degree.
Dave and Sarah meet and I see insta-sparks. Sarah turns 21 on Sunday, which, yikes. Ah, Sarah just announced she has a boyfriend. And here we get her boyfriend threatening to kick the ass of anyone who attempts to hook up with Sarah. Sadly, the fact that he had to take his nerd glasses off before delivering the threat ruined any sort of intimidation he may have had.
Will 23 from Detriot, who is here for music production. He is selling his CD on the street while waiting for...
Brianna 23 from Philly. She wants to sing. Will likes her "gear", her "look" and her "everything". Brianna was apparently on American Idol, according to her. MTV shows no footage for proof.
And here we are at their place this season, which I am sure is amazing, like always. Joey can't even make it inside, he is too transfixed by the gym and by making sure that Bowflex gets their ad time. This place is awesome though, designed to look like a movie set.
Subway gets ad shout out number 2.
"Its very exciting for me to meet Will. All I know about Detroit is that its some scary, inner city, and its surprising to me to meet someone so nice and cute as he is." I don't want to say that Kimberly will make me laugh (both with and at) more than anyone else this season, but she is off to a huge lead.
Now 6 are here, and we are waiting for the online voting winner to join...Greg, 20. Everything I hear about him is hilarious right now. He calls himself Pretty Boy, he calls women Associates. Here he comes.
There is already a "he isn't one of us" type of feelings with Greg. This will be fantastic down the road.
And now its time for shots and nudity.
Let's get to know more about Greg. He hates relationships. He doesn't have friends. And yet he still looks like the coolest dude in the house.
We get to hear about Brianna's ex-boyfriend. He cheated on her numerous times, "treated me like a dog", and he is "the love of my life". Sounds like someone has Daddy issues. And in the very next scene we find out that she is a stripper as well, which confirms that.
But you know, she is just stripping to pay the bills until her singing career takes off. You know.
And now they are hitting up some bars on Hollywood Boulevard.
Sarah already hates Greg, but to be fair, he is acting strangely elitist. Luckily, Joey is here. He feels that Greg is a younger him. He will train him. This will end well.
Will takes the overly dramatic route upon finding out Brianna is a stripper and now he "can't look at her face anymore". To be fair, I couldn't look at her face from the beginning. But you know this will lead to some tears.
A shot of Kimberly putting the shot glasses in the dishwasher makes me laugh for some reason.
Greg is making the girls breakfast, and MTV suspiciously focuses in on a painting of the shark in the background. You can't sway me editors, I am still on the Greg aka "God's gift" bandwagon.
Meanwhile, in the other room, Will and Brianna are discussing her profession. She says that being a stripper doesn't define who she is, its just a job title. Sort of like Vice President of Operations. But with more STDs.
Oh, first drama! Brianna has a warrant out for her arrest. She got arrested before she left for "simple assault and harassment". I don't know if the MTV produces need to fire their background check people, or give them all raises. She has 30 days to come home. Man, a stripper fugitive! Greg is now definitely interested.
Oh now, she is flipping out at her boyfriend! She wanted him to drop the assault charges and instead ended up in a shouting match. Short fuse on this one. "Love of her life".
She just told Kimberly and Sarah about the warrant and Kimberly looked like she just shat a brick. Fugitives AND black people from Detroit?! She can't make out her will fast enough.
Oh man, Sarah and Will, both acting very coy. She left her purse. Will decided to walk her back and get it. Will uses that tactic of telling her he has a "kindergarten crush" on her because "girls like that". Sarah doesn't really care because she can't find her purse.
Greg decides not to go into the club with them because he hates lines. This makes the girls hate him again.
Uh oh, hammered in the confessional. Sarah and Will. Both beyond drunk. Sarah just remembered she had a boyfriend so they head to Will's room instead. Because you know, no cameras there.
And now there is just too much happening at once. Will and Sarah continue to talk about Sarah wanting/not wanting to hook up with him (didn't we see this last season Dunbar?). Brianna and Joey are coming back, where they are going to go for a swim. Brianna is inexplicable walking him with her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. I guess you can take the stripper out of the club but....
Greg just called out Joey for going into the swim suit with his t-shirt on. Then mocks him by doing the same thing. To bad Roid Rage Joey doesn't like "jokes". And now we have yelling and venting. Joey to the girls:
"He don't know me". A Classic Real World taunt.
"He doesn't know where I am from". Chicago.
"I come from a house where I got my ass whupped, every since I was 2 years old." Wait, what? Is that a taunt? Something he is proud of?
"I will knock his ass out". Thats just the roids talking.
Now there is 4 of them venting in the confessional while Greg is conveniently eavesdropping from outside. So he goes to talk to his mom on the phone. He calls them peasants and himself Perfection. Man, I hope he sticks around. He can handle being hated.
Alright, thats the end of show 1. So far:
Kimberly is dumb and hilarious
Joey is a major douche and I haven't found a redeeming quality
Brianna is a fugitive stripper with a short fuse
Sarah is going to cheat on her boyfriend in about episode 2
Will seems like he might be kind of fun
Dave, I don't really know yet
Greg is the man. Or, Perfection, take your pick.
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