A Tradition Unlike Any Other

Saturday night, do yourself a favor and drink yourself silly. You friend offers to buy you a shot, do it. Thinking you may have had enough for the night, buy 2 more (assuming you are not driving).

Why?

Because Sunday is the best day to be hungover ever--Master's Sunday. For me, its the official beginning of spring. Its also a great time to lay on the couch unable to move. The soft smooth voice of Jim Nanz, the serene beauty of Augusta, Tiger's rippling biceps, and one of the oldest and purest championships in all of sports.

As a service to you, dear reader, I will make sure that no matter what happens on Sunday, you will have some cheering interest. Here are a bunch of guys who could potentially win (if Tiger is in a car accident Sunday morning) and why you should cheer for them.

Tiger Woods: Because he is the best golfer to ever pick up a club. And because watching dominance and history happening before our eyes is really cool. Plus, if he wins, we get shots of his wife.

Vijay Singh: Because his name means Victorious Lion. Because he stays hours before and after each round to practice. Because he is viewed by the media as an asshole for no real good reason except he is a foreigner (he is strange to us, we must fear him).

Phil Mickelson: Because he makes skipping the gym, yet being a professional athlete an attainable dream. Because he would have been known as one of the best had he been born 10 years earlier. Because he is right-handed, yet golfs lefty.

Ernie Els: Because he is African, but white (like Charlize Theron!). Because he just announced that his son has Austism and he is going to start raising a ton of money for research. Because his real name is Theodore.

Padraig Harrington: Because he won 2007 Irish Person of the Year. Because his family genes are loaded with "white guy professional athlete" genes (cousins: Joey Harrington of the NFL and Dan Harrington of professional poker).

Steve Stricker: Because he was 2007's Comeback Player of the Year. Because he always seems to be the bridesmaid, but never the bride (lots of second and third place finishes. And he likes to cross dress. No, I just made that second part up.)

Adam Scott: Because he is one of only 3 golfers to be ranked in the top 10 who were born in the 1980s (Go Gen Y!). Because he's Australian Mate!

Justin Rose: The the second of the 3 golfers ranked in the top ten born in the 80s, and the only remaining one who isn't a total douche (the third is Sergio). Because he was born in South Africa but moved to Britain, so his accent is actually a certified aphrodisiac.

K.J. Choi: Because you know Hootie would die if an Asian won on his Good Old Boys golf club. Because before being a golfer, he was a 13 year old competitive lifter, weighing in at 95 lbs, yet squatting 350 lbs, and earned the nickname "Tank".

Rory Sabbatini: Because he called Tiger out as being "beatable" which lead to Tiger beating him in like 248956 straight tournaments which is the equivalent of a mouse biting the tail of a real tiger.

Ian Poulter: Because he hit a hole in one in the first round. Because he routinely wears all pink. Because he has a temper and has been fined for smashing a tee marker and for cursing out a course marshal. Because he is a car collector and owns a badass Ferrari, a Ford GT40 and an Astin Martin.

Luke Donald: Because he actually could win this thing. Because he beat Tiger's NCAA record of a low score in the Championships. Because he met his wife at a bar in Chicago while attending Northwestern (although reason not to cheer for him: he was in a frat and has Polo as a corporate sponsor. No word on how many collars he flips for a Sunday round though).

Jim Furyk: Because he has a "unconventional looping golf swing". Because the only instructor he ever used was his dad (no comment on how the first two reasons are connected). Because his caddy is Fluff, who everyone loves.

So there you go, you can easily find one or two people to cheer for in that group. Me? I will be pulling for Paul Casey. Why? Because he is gonna win this thing (read: finish second to Tiger).