The Apprentice Finale: Who Ya Got?

So I may or may not be the only person who still watches The Apprentice. I don't like The Donald, nor did I really like this "celebrity" edition, but still, thoroughly enjoyable. I like the creativity involved in the challenges, The Donald's blatant old school misogyny, homophobia, and retardation, and the manufactured drama of the boardrooms.

Anyways, tonight is the finale of The Apprentice Celebrity Edition, where we find out, live, who's charity gets the check ($250,000). I have missed the last 2 episodes due to basketball, but, who ya got? Lets go to the tape.


Piers Morgan
Birthday: March 30, 1965
From: England

Celebrity because: Tabloid Newspaper Editor, the "Simon" judge of America's Got Talent, judge with Simon on Britain's Got Talent (only at lose revolutions! USA! USA!)

Characteristic: Brutally honest, sort of slimy (he got in trouble on the Motherland when it was found out he had a ton of money in a certain computer stock, and then his paper wrote that it was a "good buy" the next week)

How he got to the Finals: His blackberry. The dude had all of England's number. Whenever a task's challenge was who could raise the most money doing "x", he would call and get Richard Branson to buy a $10,000 hot dog, or another rich Brits to donate their money (they money was all going to charity).

Charity: Fallen Heros Fund. It raises money for the families of soldiers who have died in Iraq. Very notable cause, and one that he has successfully already raised a lot of money for on the show.

Odds: 2:1. I can only assume the final challenge is to raise more money than the other in some sort of ridiculous gala or event. With his connections, its a huge advantage. Plus, he has shown the same personality that Trump adores, sort of a mini-Trump. He fought with Omorosa, belittled a Baldwin (Steven, but still), and instead of whined or complained, just argued and was mean back, especially over petty stuff. Trump needs that sort of Apprentice at his side if Rosie decides to pick another fight.


Trace Atkins
Birthday: January 13, 1962
From: Louisiana

Celebrity because: Famous Country musician, the creator of the Grammy Nominated song: Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk (can we just give the money to his charity already?)

Characteristic: Southern Charm. He is a tall, intimidating figure, but his deep, southern drawl and soft spoken words have taught the other contestants that you will catch more bees with honey than vinegar (see? I talk about a Southern Gent and then use old school colloquialisms. Parallels!)

How He Got to the Finals: His voice. Any challange that required a video that needed voice over, or a live spot (appearing on QVC), Trace knocked out of the park. His charisma shows no bounds.

Charity: The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network, which provides education and advocacy for child food allergies. He chose this because his own 6 year old daughter suffered from this disease. I always like it when celebrities chose a charity close to their hearts.

Odds: 5:1. I think he is the underdog here, but he is tough as balls. From his Wiki page: "He was involved in a number of bar room incidents, and was also shot in the heart and lungs by his second wife". Dear Lord! You think The Donald scares him? Or some wimpy, rich, Brit?

My pick: Trace. USA! FREEDOM! Plus, how could you deny the man who gave us this (it was hard to pick a video, they are all so amazing. The aforementioned Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, One Hot Mama, Rough and Ready, Songs About Me, etc. But I chose his most recent):