Celebrity Obsession Part 2

This is Part 2 in a series. You can read Part 1 here. I have aways sort of disdained the public infatuation with celebrities. I do like to know what is happening in Hollywood, who is signed to make what shows, even who is dating who. But what I don't get are why being a paparazzi can make you millions and why I should care what bar Jessica Simpson had a drink at, if I am not planning on stalking her. Understand that I am not meant to be critical in these posts, only trying to understand better. I am going to do my best not to judge, just learn.

So yesterday I may have came off a bit harsh. To make it more clear, its not that I am against celebrity gossip mongering, nor do I have anything against people who love it, I am just curious as to why people view it as so important.

I am not questioning the sanity of people who watch these shows, I am questioning the shows very existence. Why is it so important that I have to have Billy Bush scream at me about Paris Hilton's haircut?

On one hand, sure it is purely entertainment. Reading how famous people are actually "just like us" can be fun. Almost therapeutic. George Clooney isn't perfect afterall! Look, he wears black socks with shorts when he takes out the trash. It can make us feel better about our mundane lives. Sadly, his trash is probably filled with empty bottles of expensive liquor and not plastic handles of Georgi like mine, but I digress. Its also fun to see where famous people frequent. There is something sort of cool of sipping a drink at the same bar where Colin Ferrel was drinking and cursing at women the night before.

And really, is a big Christina Aguilera fan who watches all these shows to find out more about her personal life, and who buys magazines to see pictures of her new baby any different than when I recorded an otherwise unfunny SNL this week just to hear Vampire Weekend play 2 songs? (Totally worth it).

I think my main problem occurs when these companies and shows go beyond reporting the stories to create the stories. I firmly believe that Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and whichever trainwreck you can name would be 90% less crazy if they weren't being filmed 24/7. Just look at a typical season of The Real World. Sure the producers egg people on by pairing the racist, homophobic southern girl with the large, black gay man on purpose. But on the other hand, when you know you are being filmed, you act different. You are totally self conscious about every move you make, which then makes you very self critical. I am fine with my flaws, as few as they are. But would I be fine with all of America seeing that I like to sing along with songs in commercials? Probably not. And then I would start thinking about all my other flaws, and how I can't be this perfect person everyone wants, and OH MY GOD pass me that bottle Clooney.

In the midst of an election year, Britney dominated the headlines for a solid month. No one has any idea how they would react in her situation--a public divorce, losing her children, strange parents--and thousands of Ryan Seacrest wannabes judge her every act. For someone who I never really liked (except Toxic is kinda awesome), it actually made me feel sorry for her.

I think I made a mistake last night in watching TMZ first. When someone gives me a book deal to pontificate on the sickness that is celebrity gossip, I will have to shift around the chapters. Tonight I am tackling a network formed solely for this type of reporting--E!.

I have a good feeling about this. I think that E! will be the opposite end of the spectrum that TMZ was at. While TMZ was concerned about telling me that Hiedi was drunk in a club in Vegas, I feel like E! might give me a real story. Lets hope I am right, here we go.

We start with E! News.

Well they start with basically telling everything they are about to tell us in the first 30 seconds. This is helpful I guess. Its like reading the table of contents and the back of a book before reading it.

The first piece is on last night's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions. This is already ten times better than last night. They discuss Madonna's induction, Justin Timberlake's speech inducting her, as well as some of the other people presenting and getting commemorated.

Behind the scenes of Ashton Kutcher's new movie. This segment only lasted about 15 seconds, which is probably about as long as they could stand to be on that set.

And once a again we get the report that Britney will be on HIMYM in an upcoming episode. Episode 14 to be exact. They also report that Alicia Silverstone dropped out of her guest spot on the show because Britney was going to be in the same episode. Apparently having that one episode of her own television show air really went right to her head.

Also, Paris Hilton will be on My Name is Earl. No report on how Alicia Silverstone feels about that though.

And a report on the season premiere of The Hills. It was basically just a clip of the premiere, probably one the publicist gave out to the networks to promote the show. Nothing really to report here, but I am already liking the fact that these look like professionally done pieces with the intent to inform the audience rather than just smear celebrities.

The cast of Mad Men is having a party for all their Golden Globe wins because they never got to due to the Globes getting cancelled. I am all about that, since Mad Men was absolutely brilliant. Plus they even have a real interview with Jon Hamm.

New a quick look at March movies. Looks like a good month for movies. Horton Hears a Who (loved that book as a kid), Stop-Loss (looks like it could be awesome), Leatherheads (I have a feeling this will fall flat), Smart People (looks funny), Forgetting Sarah Marshall (looks funnier), Baby Mama (looks funniest). I don't know, I feel sort of foolish live blogging this. It really is just news and there isn't that much I can say about that.

Ah, Hulk Hogan is back, brother. E! is reporting that the Hulk was cheating on his wife is his daughter's best friend. That sounds a lot like a fake plot line from WWE I guess. Brooke decided that the best way to respond to her ex-friend was to post it on her MySpace page. E! attempted to interview her though, so props there. Although Brooke looks like she could easily snap whichever intern E! made call her, so I am guessing they didn't try too hard.

Joe Francis has been in jail for the past year. Did anyone know this? Is anyone surprised? Who did girls who hate their fathers show their boobs to in the meantime?

Jessica Simpson is in Kuwait with the troops, performing and sleeping in a military barrack. I guess good for her. E! was pretty adamant that she was eating and sleeping right with the troops, so someone's publicist must have been on the phone all day.

Britney and her dad (?) are on a court appointed allowance. Can the court do that?

Ahh, in news I didn't know, Ryan Reynolds broke up with Alanis Morissette and is now dating Scarlett Johannson. Talk about a serious upgrade. Oh, and now Scarlett and Alanis are fighting. Sounds like it all adds up to more Grammy's for Alanis. If she could win record of the year after breaking up with Dave Coullier, imagine what gold she could create after Van Wilder dumped her.

Janet Jackson was in the hospital for the flu. Seriously? Drink some fluids lady, you will survive.

Ah, and a preview for the next show, the Daily 10. Well, this wasn't nearly as painful as yesterday. Lets check out the next 30 minutes with the Daily 10. Hell, thats only 3 minutes per story!

Ah, sorry, E! News isn't quite over yet, they have been teasing us with the fact that someone bought a $1 million car this week. And "we could never guess who". I wouldn't say never. The long wait is over and its.....Simon Cowell. And holy crap, this car looks awesome. They didn't really say much about it other than show a picture of Simon driving it.

Now, onto the Daily 10! Is anyone still reading this?

They start the same way, by talking about everything they are going to say, but this is even worse. I can pretty much answer all their teasers because I just watched the show before this.

Who told JT to drop his pants? Madonna.

Britney has an allowance? Yup, mandated by the court. $1500 a week.

Someone is mad at her? Yup, Alicia Silverstone.

Jessica Simpson living the high life? Nope, slumming it in Kuwait.

Janet hospitalized? Yeah, she had the flu, no big deal.

So I already knocked 5 of the Daily 10 out.

Ah, they start with information we all need to know. How much it will cost to get Charlize Theron to "take off her dress". Wait, no. That was just another teaser. First story is JT and Madonna at the RRHoF. Fast forwarding...

Health Ledger is number 8 (number 9 was Britney's allowance). I had heard this earlier, but his final role will be left in tact and filming will finishing using Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Ferrel to take his place. Yeah, that sounds like it could be awesome. And HOLY CRAP a shot of Heath as the joker. There goes any chance I have of having happy dreams tonight. Unless I am dreaming about seeing that movie I guess...

Posh is going to have a line of men's jeans coming out. This show reports that Joe Francis has only been in jail for 9 months. JK Rowling is suing a photo agency. Kid Rock is going to do an autograph signing at Waffle House. And John Stewart is hosting an Autism Benefit to be aired on Comedy Central. Somehow this is all is item number 7. I really can't find a common link here.

Man, who doesn't love House? He is story 6 tonight. He had a few quick quotes and now we expand that to other people giving quick quotes. Something about Princess Di (not sure how she is giving quotes). Tori Spelling on The View talking about proving herself on the set. Jenna Jameson is being a spokesperson for PETA. I guess that means her boobs will now use recycled silicon? And here we get the Charlize Theron answer. She is auctioning a dress off for charity, not getting paid to appear nude. And I had a "Simon Cowell is looking to sell his car joke" all lined up for an easy 2 points there.

I just now realized the host of this show has either a tattoo on her inside elbow or a huge birthmark.

5. Music news. Sadly, not a lot of goof stuff coming out. Fat Joe has a new CD. And man, its the day to drop your CD if you are fat, Rick Ross also has a CD out.

4 Jessica Simpon with the troops. Yeah, we get it, she is a nice person.

They just did a bit on stuff that is good but flying under the radar. Stuff like the movie Paranoid Park and the band VHS or Beta (who is awesome). So it looks like E! is using some of their power for good.

And very well done E!. I liked that segment.

3 is an interview with Ryan Phillipe, who most of America stopped caring about after Cruel Intentions. But that new movie he is in does look kinda awesome. And Breach wasn't bad.

2 is a real, in studio interview with Steve Carell and Jim Carrey. He has really been under a rock recently, huh?

And what will they end on? Hayden Panettiere. They are basically just reading her interview in Cosmo this week, which is either a good way for Cosmo to sell magazines, or E!'s way of making sure people stop reading and only watch TV.

So I may need to re-evaluate my thesis. This was just straight news that, for the most part, was relevant to being a well rounded, knowledgeable person when it comes to knowing pop culture. I feel like I actually learned some things, some of it actually entertained me, and I don't feel like I need a shower. It was more just news, which, isn't all that excited to live blog. I can't believe you are still reading this.

Coming tomorrow, I try and wrap this all up. What did I really learn? Did I learn anything about why people watch and read this stuff non-stop? Stay tuned for my wacky theories in Part 3 coming tomorrow.