Dancing With the Stars Review for 3/18

By Big Grizz and Mufasa

MUFASA:

So here I am, the morning after hooking up with six different girls last night on Dancing with the Stars. How do I feel, Grizz?? Well, to be perfectly honest, I feel like I've just been released from prison, and waiting for me in a pink convertible is Michaelangelo, the Thundercats, and the Dame Judy Dench. I felt liberated; who would have thought the women could re-vitalize such a poor crop of men? If the men were Saved by the Bell – the College Years, the women were definitely the familiar faces of Zach, Kelly, Albert Cliford, Jesse (screaming 'I'm so excited' after taking those pills), Screech, Lisa, and Buddy Bands. Kicking off the night was Shannon Elizabeth in a dress shorter than her career. I actually like her, and I hope she does well. She was a little awkward, but I think she shows some promise. Hopefully she can be more Stacey Keibler and less Willa Ford (in that she can get votes from soccer moms). Monica Seles came next….Grizz I think I'll leave this one up to you. Next up on the docket came some short girl from Hairspray, who, if you ask me, is a dead ringer for Richard Simmons on crystal meth. She really jumped and moved around, but in the whole minute and a half did absolutely no ballroom whatsoever. Next was an Olympic gold medalist figure skater known from here on out as the Guch (pronounced gOOOch). Displaying a calm one can only describe as cold as ice, this cold-hearted competitor was a cut above the rest. (Interesting sidenote: what if the competition came down to the Guch and Monica Seles, and during the final Seles dance the Guch hired old skating friend Tanya Harding to run across the ballroom with a plastic knife…how do you think Seles would react??? Would she panic, would she collapse??? Bottom line, she is just not built for the finals). Next was Priscialla Presley, who got a much higher score than she deserved. I find it ironic she, of "actress" and marrying the King fame, has so little hip movement. She did well last night but will get eaten alive during the Latin rounds. Finally was Marlee Matin; I was initially nervous, since before every commercial break she just kinda moved around not knowing when the music was on/off. But in a stunning display of screw-you Heather Mills I own the title of worlds best Hanidcappable dancer, she did really well. I hope she continues on, she is truly an inspiration to all…Wait a tic, I don't' know how I feel about a women who can't hear any music dancing better than 95% of all white guys across the nation. This sucks; we suck. Damn

How is your secret indicator rolling right now, grizz?

Here are my power 3:

1) Guch

2) Mario

3) American Pie

How do you see it?

BIG GRIZZ:

Mufasa, I couldn't agree more with the women. And before I get going, here's an observation I had last night.

Why do the crappiest dancers come from the dudes, but why do the dudes always win? For example: we've seen Kenny Mayne, Tucker Carlson, and Master P (the most hilarious of them all because he clearly didn't want to be on, the judges didn't want him on, and he kept coming back, and was only filling in for his son Lil' Romeo.) Yet we've also seen John O'Hurley, Emmitt Smith or Mario (get over it Mufasa), Apolianne, and Helianne. Notice I intentionally left out Drew Lachey who successfully won and made me hate my life for watching the entire season.

About Monica Seles.... Let me just put it this way. For a gal who was known for her grunting while on the tennis court, she left the audience grunting by the end of her routine. As far as what she would do if Tonya Harding ran at her with a knife? I can't tell you what she would do, but I know the audience we give her a standing ovation. She's gone within the first two eliminations.

I told you the secret indicator for the guys. Now for the gals it looks like at the top of the list is Shannon Elizabeth. I only say this after the string of awkward moments last year where Derek would grab Jennie Garth's ass or try and grind all up on her and she clearly looked as though she'd rather visit her 80 year old convicted sex felon OB/GYN for a check up . It looks like Shannon is actually receptive to it so far and I hope she goes far...because she's hot.

And despite my comments last night to you personally Mufs, I've decided that the fat Tony Winner made me want to club myself. Giggles and fist pumps are going to get real old real fast. I think her partner just wants to call it quits on the season because that was the worst choreography I've ever seen.

No one's out this week, so all the pressure is on those who sucked this week. Until next week, Happy Dancin!

MUFASA:

You couldn't be more right Grizz; the Women haven't won in four years. And that drew lachey comment is particularly apt, considering stacey keibler should have won that year. A couple things to note from last nights episode: A very interesting moment in last nights show came after Marlee Matlin's unheard of performance. Samantha Harris, who you might know from her role as Rocky Dennis in Mask, inexplicably puts the microphone up to Marlee's mouth for the post-dance interview. What was she thinking? How insensitive can you be? I was talking to my friend Robbo and he said the same thing. The only worse thing she could have done would be if she put the microphone in front of Marlee's hands instead of her mouth. Either way, hopefully the anti-deaf-amation league 'hears' about this and takes proper action to remove samantha from the show.

And how about harold Wheeler finally getting his due on the shoe? All I have to see is that it is about freakin time. The guy churns out hits faster than my dad after a report card. I can't think of anyone else in the industry that could move so deftly from "Bubbly" to the "Apple Bottom Jeans" song. All within a matter of minutes too. And finally he gets the recognition: a nomination for a tony for his work in Hairspray. This guy is like Roy Hobbs (only minus the debilitating gun shot and penchant for fast women named Kim Basinger), pretty soon this guy is gonna rock so hard all the lights will shatter, so he can run around in a circle, trying to look for the fire escape while tackling down any C-list celebrities foolish enough to get in his way.

One thing I would like to see around season 10 is a re-tooling of the show. I think they should either do a Championship Season, in which they bring bakc the top two dancers from every season (so that Stacey and Mario can finally get their due). Imagine how incredible the level of

competition would be. My prediction: a walkaway win for Mario Lopez. Or how about a themed dancing with the stars, like if they got the entire cast of Mash out there and saw what they could do. Better yet, why not the cast of the OC minus Mischa Barton, so she can do coke and not land

any roles. Or best yet, how about the cast of Lost pairs together: imagine Ben doing a rumba with Rose, or Locke doing the Vianesse waltz with the Black smoke, or Sawyer doing a Tango with Hurley. The possiblities are endless.

Other than that, another great night of one-liners from Bergeron and great judging by all those involved. Next week is a double elimination: the big three are Monica Seles, Penn Gillette, and Adam Carolla. Of those three, I predict the two men to be elminated. Seles has the work ethic to pull through; even though her ground strokes lack flavor.

Happy Dancing

Mufasa